A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays developing countries are going through a problem of
oil
extinction. It is believed by some people
that rather than spending lots of money on searching for oil
. It is recommended that this
money could be spent on finding out
new sources of energy Change preposition
apply
such
as wind and solar. In my
opinion, Change preposition
My
i
strongly agree with Change the capitalization
I
this
idea as this
will save a huge amount of money and time as well as
,
it will Remove the comma
apply
promotes
the introduction of a new environmentally friendly power source.
First and foremost, the recent Change the verb form
promote
use
of solar panels to produce electricity was a successful plan. In the last
decade, people
used to cut wood from trees and burn this
wood to produce electricity this
process has led to serious problems for example
, deforestation and a drop in a
large number of animals. Correct article usage
the
Nevertheless
, the burning process has caused diseases among farmers living nearby.
Secondly
, people
all around the world have been using oil
in excessive amounts. Oil
is used in various aspects for example
, people
can use
the oil
to produce burning fuel to drive a car or can be used by factories to power the machines they use
. This
was used for almost a thousand years and this
showed a significant effect on our ecosystem resulting in global warming. Therefore
, this
use
Unnecessary verb
apply
has
needs to come to an end Verb problem
apply
Change preposition
with
by
Change preposition
with
implementation
of new fuel sources.
In conclusion, I strongly agree with the idea of promoting new sources of power rather than Add an article
the implementation
oil
. As
Correct word choice
Oil
oil
had a knock-on effect on our environment leading to serious damage to our ecosystem.Submitted by safayahia63 on
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task achievement
Your introduction effectively states your position, but it could be clearer with a more concise statement and stronger thesis. For example, 'I strongly agree with this idea because it will save money, time, and promote environmentally friendly power sources.'
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and flows logically from one to the next. Currently, the transitions between some ideas are abrupt. For instance, you could add transitional phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' to smoothly introduce each new point.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your examples to strengthen your points. For instance, you mentioned that burning wood led to deforestation and diseases but didn't explain how solar panels have improved the situation. Adding specific data or case studies can enrich your argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion nicely restates your position but could be enhanced by summarizing the key points discussed in the essay. This reinforces the argument and leaves a lasting impression.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which helps to illustrate your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.
