A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays developing countries are going through a problem of
oil
extinction. It is believed by some
people
that rather than spending lots of money on searching for
oil
. It is recommended that
this
money could be spent on finding
out
Change preposition
apply
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new sources of energy
such
as wind and solar.
In my
Change preposition
My
show examples
opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
strongly agree with
this
idea as
this
will save a huge amount of money and time
as well as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it will
promotes
Change the verb form
promote
show examples
the introduction of a new environmentally friendly power source. First and foremost, the recent
use
of solar panels to produce electricity was a successful plan. In the
last
decade,
people
used to cut wood from trees and burn
this
wood to produce electricity
this
process has led to serious problems
for example
, deforestation and a drop in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
large number of animals.
Nevertheless
, the burning process has caused diseases among farmers living nearby.
Secondly
,
people
all around the world have been using
oil
in excessive amounts.
Oil
is used in various aspects
for example
,
people
can
use
the
oil
to produce burning fuel to drive a car or can be used by factories to power the machines they
use
.
This
was used for almost a thousand years and
this
showed a significant effect on our ecosystem resulting in global warming.
Therefore
,
this
use
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
has
Verb problem
apply
show examples
needs to come to an end
Change preposition
with
show examples
by
Change preposition
with
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implementation
Add an article
the implementation
show examples
of new fuel sources. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the idea of promoting new sources of power rather than
oil
.
As
Correct word choice
Oil
show examples
oil
had a knock-on effect on our environment leading to serious damage to our ecosystem.
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task achievement
Your introduction effectively states your position, but it could be clearer with a more concise statement and stronger thesis. For example, 'I strongly agree with this idea because it will save money, time, and promote environmentally friendly power sources.'
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and flows logically from one to the next. Currently, the transitions between some ideas are abrupt. For instance, you could add transitional phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' to smoothly introduce each new point.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your examples to strengthen your points. For instance, you mentioned that burning wood led to deforestation and diseases but didn't explain how solar panels have improved the situation. Adding specific data or case studies can enrich your argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion nicely restates your position but could be enhanced by summarizing the key points discussed in the essay. This reinforces the argument and leaves a lasting impression.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which helps to illustrate your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
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