Task: Your local community centre has raised $1500 and is asking for input about how to use the money to help build trust and friendship within the neighbourhood. One choice is to let children decorate a wall or a fence. Another choice is to hold a neighbourhood party. The community centre has asked you to respond to an opinion survey.
#community #centre #input #money #trust #friendship #neighbourhood #choice #children #wall #fence #party #survey
In my view, opting for decorating a wall or a fence outweighs choosing a neighbourhood party. The preference is grounded in multifarious factors that I will delineate in the subsequent paragraph.
To commence, one of the first rationales of my standpoint is that today’s children are tomorrow’s future.
Hence
, we should focus on them first,
as they will help to develop a firm community
in the future. If the raised fund will be
used by the youngsters to decorate a wall, it will not only strengthen the unity among the future generation but Wrong verb form
is
also
will enhance the beauty of the habitant. Additionally
, when children will come to make fence
, their parents will Add an article
a fence
the fence
also
come to support them which will also
help to build a trustful relationship among the guardians. Apart from
this
, it will prompt the eager
Replace the word
eagerness
among
the young generation to do something for the Change preposition
of
community
.
On the other hand
, a neighbourhood party will not bring such
beneficials
consequences. Correct your spelling
beneficial
However
, we have community
fair and several festivals in which residents can enjoy each other company.
Conclusively, after considering all the arguments, I assert that decorating or building a fence by the youngsters Correct article usage
a community
hold
a leaning over a Correct subject-verb agreement
holds
community
party with the funding money.
I appreciate the chance to express my perspective.Submitted by Lisa Bhuiyan on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your preference, which is good. However, it can be strengthened by providing a more compelling hook or background information to engage the reader from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and concise main idea, followed by supporting details. The second paragraph does this quite well, but the first point could be more developed.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to fully support your points. For example, describe a hypothetical situation or mention how other communities have benefited from similar initiatives.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. For example, 'come to make fence' should be 'come to decorate the fence,' and 'prompt the eager' should be 'prompt eagerness.' Proofreading your essay can help in identifying and correcting such issues.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and clearly restates your opinion, which helps reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay generally maintains a clear and logical structure, making it easy to follow your argument.
task achievement
The choice of focusing on children and future generation reflects thoughtful consideration, and the connection to strengthening community bonds is well-made.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!