IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Task: Your local community centre has raised $1500 and is asking for input about how to use the money to help build trust and friendship within the neighbourhood. One choice is to let children decorate a wall or a fence. Another choice is to hold a neighbourhood party. The community centre has asked you to respond to an opinion survey.

#community #centre #input #money #trust #friendship #neighbourhood #choice #children #wall #fence #party #survey
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In my view, opting for decorating a wall or a fence outweighs choosing a neighbourhood party. The preference is grounded in multifarious factors that I will delineate in the subsequent paragraph. To commence, one of the first rationales of my standpoint is that today’s children are tomorrow’s future.
Hence
Linking Words
, we should focus on them
first,
Linking Words
as they will help to develop a firm
community
Use synonyms
 in the future. If the raised fund
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 used by the youngsters to decorate a wall, it will not only strengthen the unity among the future generation but
also
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 will enhance the beauty of the habitant.
Additionally
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, when children will come to make
fence
Add an article
a fence
the fence
show examples
, their parents will
also
Linking Words
 come to support them which will
also
Linking Words
 help to build a trustful relationship among the guardians.
Apart from
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this
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, it will prompt the
eager
Replace the word
eagerness
show examples
among
Change preposition
of
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 the young generation to do something for the
community
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a neighbourhood party will not bring
such
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beneficials
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 consequences.
However
Linking Words
, we have
Use synonyms
community
Correct article usage
a community
show examples
 fair and several festivals in which residents can enjoy each other company. Conclusively, after considering all the arguments, I assert that decorating or building a fence by the youngsters
hold
Correct subject-verb agreement
holds
show examples
 a leaning over a
community
Use synonyms
 party with the funding money. I appreciate the chance to express my perspective.
Submitted by Lisa Bhuiyan on

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your preference, which is good. However, it can be strengthened by providing a more compelling hook or background information to engage the reader from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and concise main idea, followed by supporting details. The second paragraph does this quite well, but the first point could be more developed.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to fully support your points. For example, describe a hypothetical situation or mention how other communities have benefited from similar initiatives.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. For example, 'come to make fence' should be 'come to decorate the fence,' and 'prompt the eager' should be 'prompt eagerness.' Proofreading your essay can help in identifying and correcting such issues.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and clearly restates your opinion, which helps reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay generally maintains a clear and logical structure, making it easy to follow your argument.
task achievement
The choice of focusing on children and future generation reflects thoughtful consideration, and the connection to strengthening community bonds is well-made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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