IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many governments think that economic progress is the most important goal.some people however think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
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Research has shown that lots of
governments
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 try to make the
economy
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 of a
country
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 better because they support that
this
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 is the most significant sector of a
country
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.
In addition
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, there are others who believe that there is a variety of other requirements for a
country
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 to have
progress
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.
Firstly
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, we can’t tell that
governments
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, who claim that economic
progress
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 is on top of the list of goals for a
country
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, are wrong . The economic factor is an important factor for every
country
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 because
this
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 illustrates how good management
this
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country
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 has. Except that, the
economy
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 of a
country
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 constitutes a reason for someone to go to live there and, generally, a main reason for someone to travel there.
For instance
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, some people think twice about going to a
country
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 with a low economic
level
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 because they fear for their safety. There are usually more thieves there than in countries with a good
economy
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level
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.
However
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, there are other
governments
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 who believe that types of
progress
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, like
health
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progress
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, are significant too. It is true that there are
also
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 other important sectors in which
governments
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 must focus on.
For example
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, public
health
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, which concerns disease prevention and promoting healthier living, is a sector equally important for a
country
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.
This
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 occurs because
health
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 is higher than the
economy
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. A good
health
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level
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 in a
country
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 shows that the government respects citizens and tries to make their lives better, raising the
level
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 of
this
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country
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. In my opinion, economic
progress
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 is one of the most significant types of
progress
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 for a
country
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 but there are others too, which are equally important .
Governments
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 should not focus on only one sector but they must combine many sections for a better
progress
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 result.
Submitted by sssssraf on

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task achievement
You provided a clear response to the task and covered both views adequately. However, to improve your task response, you could add more specific examples to support each viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay follows a logical structure and includes a clear introduction and conclusion. To make your essay even more cohesive, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
You presented both views on the topic and provided your own opinion clearly, which is important for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You used examples to support your main points, which helps to illustrate your arguments effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
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