IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, some celebrities such as film stars, sportsmen and pop musicians are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which jobs should be highly paid?

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In today's ever-changing era, it is a highly debatable issue that famous athletes, musicians and
actors
Use synonyms
 are getting extremely high amounts of
money
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 for their performances. I disagree with the above statement because they have been inspiring and entertaining the audience in different ways and
also
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 they have limited career spans. Let us discuss it in detail in the subsequent paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, there are multiple reasons, why celebrities are getting higher income for their work. First and foremost, they are not only motivating younger generations but
also
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 entertaining all the age groups of people. To elaborate, in
this
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 digital era, every age group spend
their
Change the word
the
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 majority of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
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 watching either action movies or sports
such
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 as cricket and football.
Therefore
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, these shows are a source of enjoyment
as well as
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 a learning opportunity
from
Change preposition
for
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 the
actors
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 and sportspersons.
For instance
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,
according to
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 the social media survey, the majority of younger individuals are influenced by the eminent cricketer Virat Kohli
due to
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 his physical well-being and dedication towards his work.
Additionally
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, another significant reason to support my stance is these kinds of stars do not have longevity careers. In that, the musicians, players and film
actors
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 choose to retire nearly between 35-40 years of age
then
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 they are not able to earn decent
money
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as a result
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 they charge more
money
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 in their active tenure of work.
Last
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 but not least, these personalities are
also
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 creating short-term employment opportunities for certain people.
For example
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, if any singer plans to host a concert, it should be needed managers and other team members to complete
this
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 task.
Thus
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, it is necessary and acceptable to get paid too much for these kinds of professionals.
To conclude
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, it can be eventually commented that providing greater compensation to limelight
actors
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 and
sports-person
Correct your spelling
sportspeople
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 is not overlooked because they are motivating and engaging spectators, they have a very short time to earn
money
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 and they are generating jobs for individuals.

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task achievement
While the essay effectively addresses the task with a clear stance, further elaboration on why other professions deserve higher pay could enhance the completeness of the response.
coherence cohesion
The essay is mostly coherent, with a clear structure and progression. However, some paragraphs could be more tightly linked for even smoother transitions.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all main points are fully developed with specific examples for stronger support and illustration.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the topic and expresses a clear stance, which sets a strong foundation for the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides logical reasons and examples for why celebrities may earn high salaries, which strengthens the argument.
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