Advertising effect positive and negative effect for indivisual and business. discuss both view and give your opnion.

In recent years, advertising is gaining popularity.
And some
Correct word choice
Some
show examples
believe that
this
brings more benefits to both sides, consumers and entrepreneurs,
while
others have a reverse opinion. In
this
,essay I will discuss the two sides of
this
matter and give my own opinion. On the one hand, it can give consumers what they are looking for.
Moreover
, the most popular type of advertising nowadays is social media advertising. Social media collects personal data from each user to suppose and show them personalized
ads
.
For example
, a
person
searches on Instagram for gifts for someone's birthday.
Further
,Instagram
also
analyzes what the
person
searches for and sees, and based on
this
data, shows them future
ads
in their newsfeed and stories.
Overall
, the
person
finds a gift and a business
person
sells an item.
However
, nowadays, advertising is ubiquitous and irritates the general public.
The wealthy
Correct article usage
Wealthy
show examples
people, and not only them, understand that advertising is an excellent source of money.
The big
Correct article usage
Big
show examples
IT corporations place advertisements everywhere. Sometimes
this
can be excessive.
For instance
, YouTube is putting
ads
more and more. For comparison, in 2015 the commercial was only at the beginning of the video and users could skip it after 5 seconds. What about now?
Initially
, there were at least 2 non-skippable
ads
,
furthermore
,now not only at the beginning but quantity can appear up to 10
ads
in a video.
Although
this
helps earn money for content makers, in my ,opinion it is too much. In conclusion, the
ads
should not be annoying and interesting for the majority.
Submitted by pateldhruv1497 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical structure by clearly delineating paragraphs, each addressing distinct points. Use cohesive devices to connect ideas, but avoid over-reliance.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, but strive for a more impactful thesis statement and summation.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with more diverse examples and explanations to strengthen arguments.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task and ensure a balanced discussion of the effects of advertising on both individuals and businesses. Include a clearer personal opinion.
task achievement
Develop ideas fully to ensure they are comprehensive and easily understood by the reader.
task achievement
Incorporate specific, relevant examples to substantiate claims about the positive and negative aspects of advertising. Attempt to use real-world instances where possible.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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