IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows data about the average Saturday sales of two bakeries in London in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows data about the average Saturday sales of two bakeries in London in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#data #saturday #sales #two #bakeries #london #information #features #comparisons
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The supplied bar chart illustrates information about how many types of bread
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 sold
Saturdays
Change preposition
on Saturdays
show examples
 in
London
Use synonyms
 in 2010. A glance at the graph reveals that Doughnuts was the most popular product of bread in
London
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
However
Linking Words
,the average of toasted sandwiches which was sold in both bakeries had an insignificant amount over the period. As regards
Use synonyms
Bernies
Change to a genitive case
Bernie's
show examples
buns
Use synonyms
,people
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 to have doughnuts roughly 140 in
London
Use synonyms
 in 2010.(Which was the highest amount of selling items over the period).
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 cookies and cakes were provided,respectively just under 120 and nearly 100 in the capital
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 England in the year.
In addition
Linking Words
,Lovely
Use synonyms
loaves
Capitalize word
Loaves
show examples
 produced exactly 120 doughnuts in
London
Use synonyms
 in 2010.(Which was the most prominent type of bread between people).
Moreover
Linking Words
,Lovely
Use synonyms
loaves
Capitalize word
Loaves
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
sold approximately 80 cakes and just over 60 cookies over the period.
In contrast
Linking Words
,people did not choose salads to eat in
Bernies
Use synonyms
buns
Use synonyms
' bakery in
London
Use synonyms
 in 2010 and It was the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 average number of options sold in the whole year.But Salads in Lovely
Use synonyms
loaves
Capitalize word
Loaves
show examples
 was considerably more famous than
Use synonyms
Bernies
Change to a genitive case
Bernie's
show examples
buns
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
60 in
London
Use synonyms
 in 2010.Surprisingly,toasted sandwiches in Lovely
Use synonyms
loaves
Capitalize word
Loaves
show examples
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 as lovely as
Use synonyms
Bernies
Change to a genitive case
Bernie's
show examples
buns
Use synonyms
bakery
Capitalize word
Bakery
show examples
 just over 20 in
London
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words london, bernies, buns, loaves with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • lowest point
  • trend
  • seasonal effects
  • sales performance
  • average sales
  • comparison
  • significant difference
  • influence
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