In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obesity and should not be banned. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. You should use your own ideas, knowledge, and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. Write at least 250 words
In the present day, obesity is believed to be a serious issue. Citizens acknowledge that fast food promotion is mainly responsible for
this
concern and should be restricted. Nevertheless
, others believe that processed food does not contribute to the problem of overweight
and should not be outlawed. In my humble opinion, it is up to us as individuals to switch the Add a missing verb
being overweight
unorganic
nourishment into healthy ways of life and tackle the wrong advertisement about junk food.
Correct your spelling
inorganic
Firstly
, nutrient-poor meals are not only destroying our digestive system but also
causing fatal damage to our environment. For instance
, recent studies show that people who overconsume bad provisions have an increasing potential for obesity and heart attack, even at young ages. Moreover
, the development of campaigns that produce instant-consuming products leads to global warming. A good illustration of this
is that when the demand for those snacks expands, more factories compete to produce them as quickly as possible without concern about the side effects, which lead
to enhanced earth pollution.
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
Secondly
, organic sources of edibles and non-calorie diets can promote a vigorous lifestyle. For example
, a person who always devours non-synthetic fruits, vegetables, and meats will have a fit physique and gain long-lived potential. Furthermore
, the ecologically friendly promotion of foods creates sustainable cultures and overcomes the climate crisis. As a case in point, the green economy encourages conservation-oriented business and involves nature preservation. This
can make the world a better place to live in the long term.
In conclusion, I consider that society should try to stop eating express cuisine instead
of wholesome ones and advocate natural commodities. This
is because earth-friendly practices are of the utmost importance to our future and will be sustainably viable in the long run.Submitted by mayaanita.studi on
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task achievement
You have presented a balanced view on both sides of the argument, which is excellent. However, make sure to elaborate more on why some people believe junk food advertising does not contribute to obesity, to create a more comprehensive discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, but the paragraphs could be more clearly defined with topic sentences. Make sure each paragraph clearly states its main point and sticks to it. This will help enhance overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
It would be beneficial to use linking words consistently to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This helps in maintaining cohesion throughout your essay.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant, but make sure to explain each example in more detail to establish a clear connection to your main points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay by presenting the topic and stating both views.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples to support your arguments, which is good for enhancing the effectiveness of your response.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion nicely reiterates your main point and provides a clear standpoint on the issue.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and easy to understand, making your argument more effective.
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