IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Write about the following topic: Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#topic #people #success #career #education
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Every person has their own
perspectives
Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
show examples
 of
success
. Some believe that a proper measurement of
success
 is either career or education.
For instance
, they strive so hard to achieve the highest position in their jobs. Meanwhile, others try to accomplish a certain degree. Those are just a few examples of how
people
 define
success
. Of course, we have
very
Add an article
a very
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 broad definition of
success
 since we come from a different environment with some distinct personal traits. A
further
 explanation
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
success
 from my point of view will be presented below.
Firstly
, some different aspects may affect the meaning of
success
. As I have stated before, it depends on our surroundings
as well as
 our innate characteristics.
For example
,
people
 who live in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 tend to view
success
 much simpler than those who live in urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
. I see that most
people
 in my village respect happiness more than anything. They cherish every moment they have experienced. So, for them,
success
 is about mindfulness.
On the other hand
, modern
people
, who mostly live in the city tend to be more competitive. They have been thought that
success
 is about achievement, even children are willing to study very hard day and night to get excellent marks. As for me, I succeed if I have accomplished what I have dreamt of,
although
 it
just
Add a missing verb
is just
show examples
 a small one.
For instance
, if I have a job to be completed, and I did it on time, I consider it
also
 as a
success
.
This
 is a method for me to appreciate
my self
Correct your spelling
myself
show examples
 more
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that it boosts my confidence and I can be more thoughtful. In conclusion, it is always interesting to have
some
Correct determiner usage
a
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 different view of
success
 since we are a complex humankind.
Submitted by srsdy008 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay is quite well-structured, but make sure every paragraph has a clear central idea. For example, the second paragraph discusses two different points (people from rural areas vs. urban areas) which might be better separated.
Task Achievement
While the essay has some relevant examples, further development and specificity could improve the strength of your arguments. Try to add more detailed examples to support your points.
Task Achievement
Ensure all elements of the prompt are fully addressed. For instance, you could expand more on what success means to different people with a few more diverse examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction sets the context well and clearly states the topic. This provides a good opening for the essay.
Task Achievement
You navigate between different viewpoints effectively, showing a balanced understanding of how success can vary between individuals.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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