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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows that results of a survey asking US consumers about shopping at K-Mart.

The table below shows that results of a survey asking US consumers about shopping at K-Mart.
The table chart shows the survey
response
Use synonyms
 from the US
consumers
Use synonyms
 about shopping at
K-Mart
Use synonyms
. One of the first things to note is that the dominant reason for male preference is close to home, the figure was 30%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, close to home accounted for the second preference among female
consumers
Use synonyms
 (20%). Interestingly,
this
Linking Words
 category had the highest average
response
Use synonyms
 (25%)
while
Linking Words
 Friendly staff had the lowest average
response
Use synonyms
 among both men and women ( 7.5%).
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 notable that good reputation accounted for the second largest
response
Use synonyms
 among males
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 category was the highest preference among female
consumers
Use synonyms
. These figures were 18% and 27%, respectively. Remarkably, both men and women didn't care about the 24-hour service at
K-mart
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, these figures were 2% and 0%, respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
, male and female
consumers
Use synonyms
 showed the location of the
K-mart
Use synonyms
 preferences,
while
Linking Words
 the time service didn't affect their shopping at
K-mart
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, both
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 care about the reputation
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the mart.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words response, consumers, k-mart with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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