IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people see sports only as a leisure activity, while others believe sports play a more important role. Discuss both views and give your option.

#people #sports #leisure #activity #role #option
Many
people
 think that
sports
 are only regarded as a free time activity,
however
, others accept that
sports
 have a significant role in our lives. In my opinion, sport is more than just amusement, and has many essential benefits for us, physically and
as well as
 mentally.
Firstly
,
sports
 accepted as a leisure activity since
life
 started. Plenty of
people
 make their children do sport, to relieve their energy in
this
 way.
Nevertheless
, psychologists and therapists suggest that sport is not only a way of relieving energy, it
also
 helps
also
 helps to balance hormones, which is really important in a child's mental and physical health.
Additionally
,
people
 who suffer from depression, ADHD, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and
such
 issues can solve their issues by not just taking meds, but
also
 doing exercises. Surgeons suggest their patients, especially the ones who had been in heart surgery, to do lots of movements, and have an active
life
,
for example
: going to the gym is the best alternative.
Secondly
, our society is
also
 worried about obesity proportions in countries, which are increasing day by day,
while
, some
people
 can see that obesity is a problem that can be solved with the right amount of exercise and purchasing trainers every month to get better results.
Moreover
,
sports
 is type of a career or business for many
people
.
In addition
, they service opportunities to persons, who, have difficulties starting their new form of
life
, and get paid for
this
. All in all, beyond spending your free time with lots of exciting feelings,
sports
 should be regarded as a form of
life
, career, and problem-solving method.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Ensure that your ideas are clearly communicated. Sometimes the wording can be awkward or unclear, making it difficult to follow your argument.
coherence
To improve coherence and cohesion, use more connecting words and phrases to link your ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
task
Make sure all examples are directly relevant to the point you are making. Some examples in your essay, while generally related, could be more directly tied to the argument.
task
Address both sides of the argument more evenly. The second viewpoint seems slightly underrepresented compared to the first.
task
The essay presents both sides of the argument, which is important for a balanced discussion.
coherence
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure the essay well.
task
You have used a variety of examples to support your points, which adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure activity
  • relaxation
  • unwind
  • socialize
  • non-essential
  • recreational
  • physical health
  • fitness
  • life skills
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • community pride
  • national pride
  • career opportunities
  • personal development
  • societal well-being
  • balanced view
  • acknowledge
  • benefits
What to do next:
Look at other essays: