IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people now have the freedom to work and live anywhere because of advances in communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays
people
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 have enormous opportunities to reside and work where they want thanks to developing conditions in different areas
such
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 as technology and transportation. Some supporters believe that it provides a variety of benefits to
people
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,
while
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 others underline the negatives. I strongly believe that being free to work or live without having to be in any place brings up many advantages rather than disadvantages.
This
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 essay will account for
this
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 by giving examples of why I support
this
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 opinion.
To begin
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 with, technological developments bridge
people
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 who have negative conditions,
such
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 as disabilities, and diseases, and professional life. Take a human as an example, even if he or she has a physical disability, he can attend to business life and establish a network with other
people
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. They need just a computer and internet connection to generate products and attend to the economy.
Moreover
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, it intensifies relations with life and other
people
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 and can provide health as mental.
To conclude
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, individual and public profit is ensured.
Secondly
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, thanks to the improvements in transportation
people
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 can expand their working areas.
For instance
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,
people
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 who live in metropolitan cities can be free to choose their workplace or accommodation. They do not have to choose somewhere
according to
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 their house or job location.
Moreover
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, when they work in the city
center
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centre
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, they can reside in a village. Developed transportation networks
such
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 as the subway, and tram provide pretty selections to
people
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.
To sum up
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, it can be possible for
people
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 to prefer and choose where and how they live.
On the other hand
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, others believe that these current technologies can bring some drawbacks. Lack of socialization can be an example. If
people
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 use their home for the workplace it can cause individuality and stress. Being all day in the same place can create a predicament and it can be a risk to future lives.
To conclude
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, working and residing everywhere, without borders, can provide freedom to
people
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. Personally, I believe the benefits of using technological opportunities for our lives and jobs outweigh than drawbacks.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that aligns with the thesis statement. This would improve the logical structure and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
While examples provided are relevant, consider adding more specific examples to strengthen your main points. This helps in achieving a higher score in task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between paragraphs to ensure they are smooth and logically connected. This will enhance the overall cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt appropriately and elaborates on both advantages and disadvantages of the given scenario.
coherence cohesion
Good attempt to structure the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are generally clear and coherent, which effectively communicates your viewpoint.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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