Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of modern society. Some people think that we must return to older, more traditional values, such as respect for the local community, in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
A tendency for individuals to behave greedily and selfishly has become a foundation of today's
world
. Some Use synonyms
people
argue that we should return to more traditional values, resulting in a better Use synonyms
society
to live in. I partly agree with the opinion that restoring traditional values is necessary for a sustainable Use synonyms
society
in the future.
On the one hand, some Use synonyms
people
believe that modern Use synonyms
society
is fueled by individuals' greed, primarily influenced by capitalism, which has driven a number of achievements. Use synonyms
For example
, the invention of cars was spurred by the demand for more efficient trades, ultimately making Linking Words
people
more affluent. The pursuit of wealth has led to financial success, which has funded Use synonyms
further
innovation. Linking Words
Thus
, the Linking Words
world
has progressed significantly Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
this
cycle of aspiration and innovation.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, Linking Words
this
hyper-capitalized Linking Words
society
has Use synonyms
also
resulted in vast global disparities, with the rich becoming richer Linking Words
while
the poor remain disadvantaged. If all capitalists continue to pursue only their own interests without redistributing wealth or supporting local communities, Linking Words
society
risks falling into corruption. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, excessive reliance on greed and selfishness often leads Linking Words
people
to neglect environmental responsibilities, contributing to global issues Use synonyms
such
as climate change.
In conclusion, Linking Words
while
it is true that greed has given birth to a number of essential inventions in today's Linking Words
world
, it is equally important to shift our focus from merely pursuing personal gain to ensuring the sustainability of our Use synonyms
world
. Use synonyms
Therefore
, I partly agree that Linking Words
people
need to embrace some traditional values in order to preserve our Use synonyms
society
for the future.Use synonyms
Submitted by am on
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task achievement
To improve your score, ensure your ideas are more fully developed. While you have addressed both sides of the argument, expanding on each point with more detailed evidence or examples would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next by using cohesive devices. This makes the essay flow more logically and keeps the reader engaged.
introduction
You have effectively introduced the topic and stated your stance clearly. Your introduction sets a clear direction for the essay.
logical structure
Your essay is well-organized, with a logical structure that makes it easy to follow your argument.
supported main points
You have provided a balanced discussion by acknowledging both the positive and negative aspects of greed and selfishness in modern society.