IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people better education. Do you agree or disagree?

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In order to get rid of
criminals
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, every
country
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 has a common solution of imprisoning them.
Nonetheless
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, Having said that it would be an ideal choice if they are rather educated by the government. I disagree with the given statement. Prison is the best way to punish
criminals
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. By
this
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, I mean that they will only realise their mistake when they are kept behind bars. Resultantly, lawbreakers will not be able to meet their friends and family and the severity of the
crime
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 would be understood by them.
Moreover
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, if these dangerous villains are left out on the road, society will be no longer safe.
As a consequence
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, frequent crimes will be reported every day. For instance, a
country
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 like the UAE has strict rules against delinquents, every person who commits a serious
crime
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 has to live their
further
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 life in lockup.
Thus
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 in their
country
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 violation rate is lower than in other nations. To hit the nail harder, when
criminals
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 are taught to behave well in the community, they take it for granted and use
this
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 knowledge to commit the
crime
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 again in a different way.
As a result
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,
this
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 will set the wrong example in the world.
However
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, to give education to these offenders, the government has to use the funds behind them.
Therefore
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, it will not be the solution to reduce the
crime
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.
For example
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, a dictator
country
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 like North Korea spends their money on
criminals
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 to give them education but they misuse their knowledge and commit crimes continuously in their
country
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.
To conclude
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, giving education to
criminals
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 sometimes proves wrong and it increases the violence ratio in the nation.
Thus
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, prison is the best way to teach them lessons because of all these reasons I would not support the second view of the essay.

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task achievement
Strengthen your argument by addressing potential counterarguments to show a balanced view. For instance, discuss in more detail why education might not be a viable option for reducing crimes. This will make your argument more compelling and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Try to unify your ideas more logically and clearly. While your essay is generally structured well, some points could be more cohesive. Make sure each paragraph flows naturally into the next with clear transitions. This would improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific, detailed examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and grounded in reality.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which neatly wrap up your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally well-supported and relevant, contributing to a cohesive argument that is easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tackles root causes
  • preventative approach
  • critical thinking
  • decision-making skills
  • recidivism rates
  • equipping
  • socio-economic benefits
  • underlying factors
  • poverty
  • ignorance
  • lack of opportunities
  • rehabilitation
  • ineffective
  • higher rates of re-offending
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