In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obesity and should not be banned. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. You should use your own ideas, knowledge, and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.
Whilst many think that
advertisements
of various types of junk foods must not be banned as these Use synonyms
adverts
Use synonyms
does
not make Change the verb form
do
people
obese, Use synonyms
while
I believe that as Linking Words
obeseity
is one of the most common health issues which Correct your spelling
obesity
people
around the world are Use synonyms
sufferring
from, so there is a need to stop the Correct your spelling
suffering
advertisements
related to snack Use synonyms
food
because these Use synonyms
adverts
play a major role in promoting Use synonyms
this
type of Linking Words
food
.
Use synonyms
To begin
with, Linking Words
people
who think that these Use synonyms
adverts
Use synonyms
does
not have any role Change the verb form
do
with
the problem of Change preposition
in
obesity
Use synonyms
claims
that, there are so many Correct subject-verb agreement
claim
others
reasons which are responsible for Correct quantifier usage
other
obesity
. First of all, lack of physical activity and Use synonyms
excercise
, Correct your spelling
exercise
for example
, Linking Words
due to
technological advancements, individuals mostly have to work with computers, so Linking Words
sedentary
lifestyle makes Correct article usage
a sedentary
people
obese as they do not participate in any indoor or outdoor activity. Use synonyms
Besides
Linking Words
this
, Linking Words
genetical
factors can Replace the word
genetic
also
contribute to Linking Words
obesity
, we have seen that some Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
does
not eat fast Change the verb form
do
food
, but Use synonyms
due to
heridity factor, they have excess fat in their body tissues.
Linking Words
However
, I support the argument thatLinking Words
,
many large multinational organisations Remove the comma
apply
promotes
their packed Change the verb form
promote
food
via Use synonyms
advertisements
in order to Use synonyms
allure
Verb problem
lure
people
, and children are the most vulnerable targets. Use synonyms
Moreover
, with the Linking Words
adverts
they reveal their newer Use synonyms
food
products, Use synonyms
also
these Linking Words
advertisements
entice Use synonyms
people
to try these processed foods. Use synonyms
In addition
, if we talk about various Linking Words
restautrant
chains, Correct your spelling
restaurant
restaurants
for
Linking Words
example
Mcdonald's, KFC, Add the comma(s)
example,
Dominos
, and Red Rooster, they always have promotional deals Fix the agreement mistake
Domino
in
their menus like meal deals or free Change preposition
on
can
of soft Fix the agreement mistake
cans
drink
with any meal, and they promote these deals via Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
advertisements
to attract Use synonyms
people
, and Use synonyms
thus
, Linking Words
people
buy these foods which are full of calories.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
although
there are Linking Words
others
reasons Correct quantifier usage
other
of
Change preposition
for
obesity
as well like genes and lack of physical Use synonyms
activities
, still I am convinced Fix the agreement mistake
activity
with
the argument that promotional activities through Change preposition
by
advertisements
of junk Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
attracts
Correct subject-verb agreement
attract
people
to buy them, which leads to overeating of calories, and Use synonyms
thus
leads to Linking Words
dertimental
health problem, Correct your spelling
detrimental
obesity
.Use synonyms
Submitted by harleenarora620 on
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Grammar
Ensure grammatical consistency, especially with subject-verb agreement. Phrases like 'these adverts does' should be corrected to 'these adverts do.'
Content Development
Expanding on the explanations for both views will help strengthen your argument. Adding data or studies regarding the impact of advertising and obesity can provide more depth.
Writing Style
Work on varying sentence structure to improve readability. Mixing short and long sentences can enhance the flow of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure clarity in transitions between paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases like 'furthermore,' 'additionally,' or 'on the other hand' to maintain logical connections.
Structure
You provide a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the essay well.
Coherence
Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, maintaining coherence throughout the essay.
Content Development
Relevant examples, such as mentions of McDonald's and KFC, help illustrate your points effectively.