In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obesity and should not be banned. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. You should use your own ideas, knowledge, and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. Write at least 250 words
Whilst many think that
advertisements
of various types of junk foods must not be banned as these adverts
does
not make Change the verb form
do
people
obese, while
I believe that as obeseity
is one of the most common health issues which Correct your spelling
obesity
people
around the world are sufferring
from, so there is a need to stop the Correct your spelling
suffering
advertisements
related to snack food
because these adverts
play a major role in promoting this
type of food
.
To begin
with, people
who think that these adverts
does
not have any role Change the verb form
do
with
the problem of Change preposition
in
obesity
claims
that, there are so many Correct subject-verb agreement
claim
others
reasons which are responsible for Correct quantifier usage
other
obesity
. First of all, lack of physical activity and excercise
, Correct your spelling
exercise
for example
, due to
technological advancements, individuals mostly have to work with computers, so sedentary
lifestyle makes Correct article usage
a sedentary
people
obese as they do not participate in any indoor or outdoor activity. Besides
this
, genetical
factors can Replace the word
genetic
also
contribute to obesity
, we have seen that some people
does
not eat fast Change the verb form
do
food
, but due to
heridity factor, they have excess fat in their body tissues.
However
, I support the argument that,
many large multinational organisations Remove the comma
apply
promotes
their packed Change the verb form
promote
food
via advertisements
in order to allure
Verb problem
lure
people
, and children are the most vulnerable targets. Moreover
, with the adverts
they reveal their newer food
products, also
these advertisements
entice people
to try these processed foods. In addition
, if we talk about various restautrant
chains, Correct your spelling
restaurant
restaurants
for
example
Mcdonald's, KFC, Add the comma(s)
example,
Dominos
, and Red Rooster, they always have promotional deals Fix the agreement mistake
Domino
in
their menus like meal deals or free Change preposition
on
can
of soft Fix the agreement mistake
cans
drink
with any meal, and they promote these deals via Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
advertisements
to attract people
, and thus
, people
buy these foods which are full of calories.
In conclusion, although
there are others
reasons Correct quantifier usage
other
of
Change preposition
for
obesity
as well like genes and lack of physical activities
, still I am convinced Fix the agreement mistake
activity
with
the argument that promotional activities through Change preposition
by
advertisements
of junk food
attracts
Correct subject-verb agreement
attract
people
to buy them, which leads to overeating of calories, and thus
leads to dertimental
health problem, Correct your spelling
detrimental
obesity
.Submitted by harleenarora620 on
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Grammar
Ensure grammatical consistency, especially with subject-verb agreement. Phrases like 'these adverts does' should be corrected to 'these adverts do.'
Content Development
Expanding on the explanations for both views will help strengthen your argument. Adding data or studies regarding the impact of advertising and obesity can provide more depth.
Writing Style
Work on varying sentence structure to improve readability. Mixing short and long sentences can enhance the flow of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure clarity in transitions between paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases like 'furthermore,' 'additionally,' or 'on the other hand' to maintain logical connections.
Structure
You provide a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the essay well.
Coherence
Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, maintaining coherence throughout the essay.
Content Development
Relevant examples, such as mentions of McDonald's and KFC, help illustrate your points effectively.