IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#minutes #dangers #people #habit #society
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The damages of smoking are popular all over the world,
however
 residents repeat
this
 routine. I think the meaning of smoking is coded not as it is to
people
's brains, even, some
people
 even think that it's a cool habit when others see that they are smoking.
Firstly
, nowadays we can see many teenagers, adults and even children smoking in social places,
however
, it mostly ends with death and we can see many advertisements on TV about how harmful they are.
Furthermore
, scientists have many research for years about
cigarettes
 and they found that the
people
 who end up with lung or throat cancer, sudden death and
as well as
, and serious heart diseases are mainly the ones who smoke.
Moreover
, some
people
 end up in chairs which help them breathe and they can not even live a minute without these supplements. Actually, it is really hard to see
people
 end their own lives like
this
.
Additionally
, I think countries have to ban the brands which sell
cigarettes
 because the death
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
caused by
cigarettes
 is going up day by day.
Secondly
, the reasons for smoking and the things that make it attractive for the new generation can be argued. In my point of view, the main reason for
this
 is social media. View of the fact that social media depicts smoking as a cool type of habit and romanticises it.
Due to
 that type of posts or videos, it's turned out like a trend among youths. All in all, the way that
cigarettes
 are shown on social media
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 really harmful to our society and a new generation. Plenty of
people
 believe that it is a way of releasing stress and has positive effects on their mental problems like depression or obsessive-compulsive disorder and so on,
however
, these claims have no support by scholars.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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structure
Your essay would benefit from a clearer structure. Consider breaking up your paragraphs into more distinct points, each addressing specific aspects of the topic.
introduction
The introduction could be strengthened by providing a more detailed overview of the essay's key points.
clarity
Improve sentence clarity and grammar to ensure your ideas are conveyed more effectively.
examples
Include more concrete examples and references to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and detailed.
content
You clearly understand the dangers of smoking and the societal factors that contribute to its prevalence.
content
The essay covers both the causes of smoking and possible solutions, as required by the task.
content
Your essay addresses the influence of social media on smoking, which shows an awareness of contemporary issues.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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