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Band 7

Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have more become more independent. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #individuals
Nowadays,
people
 are said to depend on each other
while
 some debates are converse. The writer of
this
 essay believes that the community is becoming more independent in
this
 stringent life despite of who think
people
 are more reliable
due to
 having support from family. It is vital to understand that
people
 compete with each other to exist in
this
 life. To explain
further
, staying in a hard condition
people
 are adapting to live for themselves and family. Taking working life as an example, workers are independent in their work to show the potential for higher promotion
hence
people
 can earn a large amount of financial reward.
Hence
, it is essential for everyone to live independently for future purposes.
However
, some
people
 think that the next generation gets support from their own families. In
further
 detail, they inherit a large quantity of money from their parents, which makes them more reliable.
Moreover
, their parents have a high position at work so they could get a higher promotion easily.
This
 may maybe true but,
although
 they have many properties, they will waste all without working.
Thus
 , the representation of young individuals who possess a living way dependent on
people
 around them is increasing day by day. Taking everything into account, not all of the young nowadays keep their mind based on others but generally, there is a tendency to appear in the new generation. Hopefully, favourable conditions on social media can create more opportunities for adolescents in order to develop themselves
instead
 of being irresponsible.
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task achievement
The essay needs to address both perspectives more deeply. While you have mentioned both sides, more elaboration on the viewpoints will add depth and clarity.
task achievement
Specific examples would strengthen your arguments. Mentioning particular instances or studies would make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow can be improved. Ensure smooth transitions between points and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need clearer connections to the main body. Summarize key points in the conclusion to wrap up your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence outlining the main idea of the paragraph.
task achievement
You have addressed both perspectives, which is essential for this type of essay.
task achievement
There is a clear effort to provide explanations and reasoning for your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
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