IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more people no longer read the newspaper or watch TV programs to get news. They get news about the world through the Internet. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #newspaper #tv #programs #news #world #internet #development
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In recent years, how individuals access accounts has undergone a substantial change from the newspapers or television to the Internet, and I firmly believe
this
 is a positive development. One of the major benefits of
such
 change is not only cheaper rather than reading printed journals
,
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 but
also
 faster
by
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using the World Wide Web to respond to the occurring global events.
For example
, folk can acquire local reports simultaneously with their smart devices,
such
 as cell phones and tablets basically anytime and anywhere, when they are commuting on a train or in
the
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bed before sleep, and they are available to keep updated on the development of a global event because online news makes it possible that the free flow of
information
 could happen constantly.
Additionally
,
information
 acquisition through modern technology is more eco-friendly because it delivers knowledge in digital formats via electronic screens , resulting from saving paper which is produced in magazines.
Also
, it reduces the expenditure for individuals on subscribing to newspapers on a monthly basis.
On the other hand
, online news reading has to offer
is
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the
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a
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 broad range of content.
This
 means people can compare different sources of
information
 which not only verifies the credibility but
also
 garners sufficient
information
 to avoid bias and misunderstanding.
For instance
, they could easily acquire accounts or videos on a criminal offence from different perspectives, avoiding being misled and distorted by some agencies. The abundant
information
also
 means they could be able to get access to a substantial amount of small items and details by digital methods. If that identic amount of
information
 is printed in the press, plenty of human resources could be wasted.
Furthermore
, people have the chance to get in touch with the
word
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world
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 because of improved technology.
Also
, it is beneficial for the government to boost the economy by levying a substantial amount of tax on some companies whose major business is publishing word content online because of their significant business size and margins. In conclusion,
although
 the internet as the medium of intelligence reading develops at some expense of the traditional news industry , I would argue that it is beneficial for folks to recognize the world, being equipped with the modern
information
 technology of the internet.
Submitted by shaobo.xu on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task and provides a complete response. However, try to include more specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen your argument. Consider adding real-world instances or statistical data to support your points.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are expressed clearly and comprehensively. There are moments where your sentences are somewhat convoluted. Simplify your sentence structures for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure, some paragraphs could be better connected. Use more cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases, to make your essay flow more smoothly from one point to another. For example, you could use phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' etc.
coherence cohesion
You present main ideas clearly, but providing more specific supporting points would make your arguments stronger. Each main point should be directly linked to a clear example or a detailed explanation.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively provided both an introduction and a conclusion, which gives your essay a complete and balanced structure.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Accessibility
  • Democratizes access to information
  • Real-time updates
  • Misinformation
  • Diverse range of sources
  • Multiple perspectives
  • Critical thinking
  • Reinforce biases
  • Information overload
  • Decline of traditional media
  • Innovation and adaptation
  • Interactive forms of news consumption
  • Engagement
  • Echo chambers
  • Unverified information
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