IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of modern society. Some people think that we must return to older more traditional values such as respect for the and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Apparently, it can easily be observed that adults of the current
society
Use synonyms
 are inclined towards being rapacious and selfish. Where a section of the community asserts that it is better to implement the traditional order to maintain its respect, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view, the old
values
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such
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 as the respectful and helpful nature can address these modern issues well. Arguably, there are numerous reasons why it is important to reintroduce old societal structures to stamp out greediness and selfishness from adults. First and foremost, since being respectful was an indispensable part of ancient
society
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, people understood the
values
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 of other’s needs.
Nonetheless
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, people now desire more and more money, which not only increases conflicts in
society
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 but
also
Linking Words
 weakens their family bonds.
For example
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, a report published in The Guardian Newspaper in March 2022 stated that conflicts in personal and professional life
due to
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 rapacity had been drastically rising at 12% every year since 2010.
Hence
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, an old structure of
society
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 can provide a sense of equal distribution resulting in a peaceful place to live in.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in old times, humans were helpful to others and felt internally happy.
However
Linking Words
, in modern times, individuals of every age group have zero interest in participating in social well-being, which hinders them from being assistive in nature. Eventually, they just think about themselves and turn out to be selfish.
For instance
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, the World Road Safety
Society
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 published in its annual report
last
Linking Words
 year that only 2 out of 10 people helped the victims of road accidents and the main factor behind
this
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 was their self-centred nature.
Consequently
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, the traditional structure of
values
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 is rather essential to give a profound insight into the importance of selfless services to harmony among the masses.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I completely agree with the reintroduction of traditional
values
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 to maintain the respect of
society
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 to enhance respecting and helping behaviour among individuals for a better human life, which can decrease the increased virtues of greed and selfishness of modern times.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a thorough response to the prompt and clearly outlines reasons for supporting traditional values. However, make sure to elaborate more on how these values can effectively be reintroduced into modern society.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas. Although your essay is mostly coherent, additional linking phrases could enhance the flow from one paragraph to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported with relevant examples. For further improvement, consider adding a few more specific instances or studies to substantiate your claims further.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are well-articulated and effectively frame your argument, providing a strong structure to your essay.
task achievement
You have used relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which adds credibility to your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the prompt and provides a comprehensive response while maintaining a balanced perspective.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • modern society
  • traditional values
  • familial bonds
  • community ties
  • collective well-being
  • individual gain
  • responsibility
  • care for others
  • neglect
  • isolation
  • honesty
  • respect
  • cooperation
  • individual greed
  • ethical conduct
  • social cohesion
  • crime rates
  • mental health
  • general happiness
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