Task 2: Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is an argumentative conception heating a debate
whether
dealing with pollution and accommodation problems should be put into priority by the authorities in order to prevent deterioration in Change preposition
about whether
humans’
health. From my point of view, I consider myself an advocate of Fix the agreement mistake
human’
this
idea.
Without a shadow of a doubt, environmental degradation has detrimental effects on people’s health. Due to
the development of countries, newly-established factories are springing up everyday
, leading to the tremendous emission of lethal gases. Replace the word
every day
As a result
, the ones who inhale those gases frequently can suffer from a high rate of having
respiratory-related disease. Unnecessary verb
apply
For example
, the residents who live around a factory in Vietnam called Rang Dong, a company that sends out a great amount of carbon dioxide, have suffered from a high rate of having
respiratory Unnecessary verb
apply
disease
like lung cancer. Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
Hence
, it is essential for the state to tackle the polluted environment.
While
the negative influences of the low-quality habitat are widely acknowledged, living conditions also
impact directly to
the well-being of humans. Change preposition
apply
This
is due to
the fact that the sewage systems and ventilation in slum areas are not guaranteed and so it not only reduces people’s immunity but also
stands a good stead for the growth of viruses. Particularly, in Covid
epidemic, the dilapidated sectors frequently have the more dramatic spread of Correct article usage
the Covid
virus
that Add an article
the virus
a virus
contribute
to the high death tolls of patients. Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
Thus
, the housing problem should be taken into consideration to ensure people’s health.
In conclusion, pollution and residing issues are the two aspects which require a
concentration from the government in improving in order to maintain a healthy life Correct article usage
apply
of
humans.Change preposition
for
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to connect ideas between paragraphs with linking words or phrases. Additionally, make sure the ideas flow naturally and logically.
task achievement
In task achievement, try to provide a clearer and more comprehensive argument. This can be done by adding more relevant specific examples and exploring different aspects of the argument.
general
To achieve a higher score, include more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to better convey your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames the argument.
task achievement
You have chosen relevant examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.
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