IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Modern technology is now very common in more work place. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are advantages to rely too much on technology?

#technology #work #place
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These days,
technology
 is developing really fast;
additionally
, we can see the dependence of the offices on
technology
 is a lot.
This
 essay discusses the ways of working that are changed by
technology
 and the advantages that can overshadow the drawbacks.
Technology
 alters the methods of working owing to the
fact
 that a group of
people
work
 remotely and employees do not
work
 with all the devices of factories. On the one hand, the
fact
that is
 really important is that a group of
people
 who
work
 remotely do not spend too much time travelling to
work
, so they can have an efficient
work
-life balance owing to the
fact
 that they can do their
work
 and housework with each other.
On the other hand
,
technology
 creates a chance for populations to check the way of working robots, and sensors, and record the data in their offices
instead
 of working on the sites and selecting data manually.
For example
, in the refinery the workers do not need to check the all tools mechanically;
however
, they follow the works of the gadgets in the control rooms. In my opinion, the benefits of
technology
 in the new era cannot eclipse the demerits
due to
 the
fact
 that
technology
 works with electricity;
as a result
, when we do not have power for some reason, we cannot
work
.
In addition
, with
this
 improvement, in the future,
technology
 will dominate our lives inasmuch as the AL become the main decision-making;
this
 development leads
people
 to a kind of pet for robots.
To sum up
,
technology
 is really good for upgrading the level of global communities in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
 and helping them to become more comfortable;
however
, Heavy reliance on
technology
 increases
people
's efficiency in some phenomena and we will lose our identity in the future.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to the main topic and flows smoothly to the next paragraph to improve logical structure.
task achievement
Make sure to fully explore both the positive and negative aspects of technology in the workplace.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures to enhance clarity and make the argument more engaging.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or case studies to support your points and strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
Good attempt at addressing both the changes in the workplace due to technology and the potential advantages and disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Streamline processes
  • Remote work
  • Work-life balance
  • Geographical location
  • Instant communication
  • Collaborative platforms
  • Data analytics
  • Automation
  • Artificial Intelligence (AI)
  • Job displacement
  • Digital dependency
  • Technological infrastructure
  • Efficiency
  • Flexibility
  • Broadening talent pool
  • Workplace processes
  • Repetitive tasks
  • Strategic activities
  • Coordination
  • Insights
  • Informed decision-making
  • Obsolete roles
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