IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Environmental hazards are often too great for particular countries or individuals to tackle. We have arrived at a point in time where the only way to lessen environmental problems is at an international level. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#hazards #countries #individuals #point #time #level
It is thought by some people that severe
problems
 on the environment are now too far to be tackled by
countries
 and the population and they become worldwide issues. In my opinion, I disagree with
this
 idea and the reasons will be discussed before reaching my conclusion. On the one hand, it is undeniable that some environmental hazards cannot be eased by particular
countries
 and individuals but it needs the collaboration of international
countries
. There are several
problems
 that cause conflict between neighbours. To illustrate, one of the
problems
 is dust or haze which comes from burning waste and litter and it flies over to the transborder of
countries
 near the burning location. Even if neighbour
countries
 try to negotiate or set up meetings to address
this
 issue together, they still do not come to an agreement.
Therefore
, they need a third party to come and help them convince and negotiate which leads to a consensus between neighbours.
On the other hand
, the rise of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental hazards can still be controlled by the governments and their citizens. In fact, these issues are a result of unenforced policies from the authorities which in turn people are not afraid of being taken penalties or sentences.
For instance
, citizens acknowledge the existence of penalties when burn debris or refuse off-season,
however
, they still ignore it because they know that there is no one coming to arrest them.
Hence
, the authorities should strictly use their regulations or put measures in place in order to reduce the
problems
 before they cause more effects to the world. All in all, a lot of hazardous
problems
 in the environment are now hard to address by
countries
 and their people. From my point of view, I slightly disagree with
this
 aspect as some issues can be relieved and alleviated inside their
countries
 easily by utilising their existing regulations strictly on citizens to control their actions.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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coherence and cohesion
To reach a higher score, provide stronger transitions between paragraphs and aid reader understanding. For example, clearly delineate how the ideas in the second paragraph are connected to those in the first. Use more transitional phrases for a smoother flow.
task response
In order to strengthen your position, extend the depth of your arguments. For instance, further analyze the reasons why international intervention might be more effective or provide more compelling counterarguments. Strengthen your examples with more detailed explanation and draw clear connections to your main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion that effectively summarize your argument, which is good for maintaining clarity.
task response
The essay presents some relevant examples and reasons to support your argument, which shows your ability to expand on your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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