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Band 5.5

Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #right #access #university #education #governments #students #matter #background
Higher
education
 attendance, undoubtedly, has been a vital determinant of economic growth.
However
, the costs of attending
university
, which have escalated in recent years, have engendered some valid concerns. A school of thought holds that
students
, irrespective of their financial status, should be entitled to free
university
.
This
 essay is going to prove that subsidizing college
education
 will do more harm than good. It is understandable why some people subscribe to the view that
students
 should be allowed to pursue college without fees. Proponents of tuition exemption may argue that
this
 practice will enable more
students
, especially the disadvantaged, to pursue tertiary
education
, which is conducive to their employment opportunities.
However
,
this
 thinking is flawed, since the larger influx of graduates into the labour market is actually a primary driving force behind the rising youth unemployment.
Therefore
, is apparent that wholly subsidizing tertiary
education
 is counter-productive to job guarantee. Another pronounced drawback is that the abolition of
university
 tuition may take a toll on
students
’ academic performance.
As today
Correct word choice
Today
show examples
 most undergraduates have to pay for their
education
,
they
Correct word choice
but they
show examples
 are inclined to study in earnest and apply themselves to getting good grades.
Therefore
, were
this
 financial obligation to be dispensed with,
students
 could be indifferent to their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 and lose the drive to work hard.
For example
, they may skip classes or miss exams because they feel that failing does not cost them anything. These
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 obviously may lead to deteriorating performance and
students
 would fail to benefit from their
education
. In conclusion, I believe that
alloting
Correct your spelling
allowing
allocating
 state funding to make
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 free of charge does not seem a good idea.
Submitted by anhpham.712688 on

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing the prompt and presenting a clear position. However, try to provide more balanced arguments by acknowledging and expanding on the counterarguments. This approach can strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured overall, some ideas could be more cohesively linked. For instance, you could use more transition phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'On the other hand' to better connect your points and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from more specific examples and evidence to support your main points. Try to include real-world statistics, studies, or anecdotal evidence for a more compelling argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for your argument, establishing the importance of the topic.
logical structure
You have effectively structured your essay with clear paragraphs dedicated to individual points. This helps in maintaining a logical flow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Higher education
  • Accessibility
  • Social mobility
  • Meritocracy
  • Economic growth
  • Equality
  • Subsidize
  • Fiscal sustainability
  • Human capital
  • Incentivize
  • Underfunded
  • Tuition fees
  • Academic achievement
  • Workforce
  • Tax burden
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