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Writing Samples
Band 5

The proportion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998

#proportion #income #adults #children #items #uk
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The share of income allocated by
adults
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 and
children
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 in the UK towards four typical expenditures in 1998.
Overall
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,
while
Linking Words
 among Food the highest spent people were
Women
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, among Electronic Equipment ,
children
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 spent
largest
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the largest
show examples
amount
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 of their budget.
In contrast
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, when it comes to Music,
girls
Use synonyms
 preferred
this
Linking Words
category
Use synonyms
 mostly.
However
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, videos were preferred mostly by
Boys
Use synonyms
. As the table shows,the highest spent people were
Women
Use synonyms
 with 39% in the Food group.The second-largest indicator was
Adults
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 at 25 per
cent
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,
while
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 the smallest
amount
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 was
Boys
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 and
Children
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 with 9% and 10%.
Whereas
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, the middle categories were
Men
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 and
Girls
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 with 11 and 14 per
cent
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. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the Electronic equipment, the
children
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 spent the highest
amount
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 of their money at 23%.The second-largest
amount
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 was at 18 per
cent
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 and
spent
Add a missing verb
was spent
show examples
 mostly by
Boys
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.
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Women's
Correct article usage
the Women's
show examples
 figure was the smallest with 1%,
while
Linking Words
Girls
Use synonyms
 and
Adults
Use synonyms
 recorded the same figure of 5 per
cent
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.
Then
Linking Words
, the middle
category
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 was
Men
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 at 10%. As for the Music,all categories were almost the same.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the spending by
Adults
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,
Men
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 and
Women
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 unchanged
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 5%,5% and 5 per
cent
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, respectively.The remaining three other competitors
Children
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,
Boys
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 and
Girls
Use synonyms
 recorded 39%, 38% and 40 per
cent
Use synonyms
, respectively. They differed from each other by 1 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and the largest
amount
Use synonyms
 was spent by
Girls
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 music in 1988. In
Correct article usage
the videos
show examples
videos
Change the noun form
video
show examples
 trend, the highest indicator was
Use synonyms
Boys
Correct article usage
the Boys
show examples
category
Use synonyms
 with 18 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Girl
Correct article usage
The girl
show examples
category
Use synonyms
 was the second-largest figure at 17%.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
children
Correct article usage
the children
show examples
 index was the middle share at 12%,
Adults
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,
Men
Use synonyms
 and
Women
Use synonyms
 were almost the same with 1%, 2% and 0,5 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the UK in 1998.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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improvement
Try to have more clear and concise introduction and conclusion sections to better frame the essay and bring closure to the analysis.
improvement
When presenting data, ensure it's clear and easily understood, perhaps by using more connective phrases to guide the reader.
improvement
Incorporate more analysis and interpretation of the data to demonstrate deeper understanding.
praise
The essay consistently describes data across different categories, showing an understanding of the topic.
praise
The attempt to compare and contrast between categories is evident and enhances the analysis.
praise
Good effort in trying to support statements with percentage data from the table.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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