IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Your child is going on a three day school trip to another country. The head teacher wants to find parents to go with the group and you would like to go. Write a letter to the head teacher. In your letter:  Say why you would like to go on the trip  Suggest what you could do to help during the trip  Ask other questions about the trip

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Dear Mrs Jason, Hello. I hope you are doing well. I am writing to you because I want to express my interest in attending the to trip Italy on 23rd July.
Firstly
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, it would be the first alone adventure for my child. So
that is
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 why, I have to be sure Sarah's safe. If
,
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apply
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 I would like to be a part of that travel, I will be sure of my child's security.
Secondly
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, I have been working as a primary school teacher for 10 years so, I can be really helpful in taking care of other children. I have a range of information about teenager's needs. All of these requirements, I would like to be there.
Also
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, I can take responsibility because of my job experience.
For instance
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, I can manage stress in difficult times. If you choose me, you will never feel confused about your decision.
In addition
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, I have to be sure about schooler's healthcare. In case of any accident situation, will children have to take health insurance? Thanks for your attention. Regarding July Black

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the opening and closing of the letter are more formal and consistent with standard letter-writing conventions. Consider starting the letter with 'Dear Mrs. Jason,' instead of 'Hello.'
task achievement
Clarify the reasons for wanting to attend the trip to focus more on the child’s experience rather than solely on safety concerns. Try to elaborate on how your presence could enhance the trip.
coherence and cohesion
Reorganize the content to create a clearer logical flow, such as separating personal motivation and professional qualifications into distinct paragraphs.
task achievement
Your experience as a primary school teacher is a strong point, demonstrating your capability to handle responsibility during the trip.
task achievement
You effectively express your desire to ensure your child's safety, which shows your dedication as a parent.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enthusiastic
  • valuable experience
  • expertise
  • educational objectives
  • supervision
  • ensure safety
  • bonding
  • workshops
  • logistics
  • coordinates
  • travel arrangements
  • clear communication
  • support
  • responsibilities
  • manage schedules
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