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Band 7

Todays schools should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today. to what extent do you agree disaree with this statement?

#todays #schools #students #world #disaree
It is thought by some people that students these days should learn how to survive financially in their schools. I agree with
this
 aspect and the reasons will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion.
To begin
 with, it is undeniable that nowadays
money
 plays a significant role in our lives.
However
, some adults still use it excessively and
then
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
suffer or stressed which is why the younger generations should be taught about the meaning of
money
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their lives and how to plan finances. In the first place,
money
 is a daily basis in our society and people use it for their living or to indulge themselves.
For instance
, individuals spend cash on investing, food, shopping, entertainment, etc. These things need to be managed
while
 they using it when they grow up.
Additionally
, children need to understand the disadvantages of
money
. The misuse of cash can lead them to several matters.
For example
, learners in schools should learn how to survive when they encounter financial problems
such
 as the shortage of
money
 because of poor management which will affect their mental health.
Thus
, they need to study how
money
 should be managed or used properly and understand the ways to avoid financial issues.
Overall
, schools should teach about how to survive financially to their students. I strongly agree with
this
 idea,
money
 can be used in many ways, good and bad, and children need to understand how to use and manage it.
As a result
, they will find ways to solve the problems when they face financial problems in the future.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen arguments. For instance, mention specific financial literacy programs or skills that could be taught in schools.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs for better flow. The connection between the disadvantages and advantages of financial education could be clearer.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, providing a strong frame for the essay.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task, covering the importance of financial education and its benefits.
coherence cohesion
Main points are logically structured and supported, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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