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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut subjects such as arts and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on subject such as information technology. To what extent do you agree?

In today's fast-changing world,
education
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 is expected to equip
children
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 with the
skills
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 necessary to succeed in modern society. Some argue that traditional
subjects
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 like
arts
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 and
music
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 should be removed from school curricula to make room for more practical
subjects
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, particularly information
technology
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.
While
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 I agree that technological literacy is essential, I strongly believe that removing
arts
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 and
music
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 would be a mistake. There is no doubt that information
technology
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 plays a crucial role in almost every field today.
Children
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 who are skilled in using digital tools and understanding computer systems will have a clear advantage in the job market.
Therefore
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, schools must ensure that students are well-versed in modern technologies. Prioritizing IT
education
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 can help prepare them for future careers and foster problem-solving and logical thinking
skills
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.
However
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,
arts
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 and
music
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 are
also
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 important for a well-rounded
education
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. These
subjects
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 nurture creativity, emotional intelligence, and self-expression, all of which are valuable in both personal and professional life.
For instance
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, studies have shown that
children
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 who participate in
music
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 or visual
arts
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 tend to perform better academically and develop stronger communication
skills
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. Removing these
subjects
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 could lead to a narrow focus on technical
skills
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 at the expense of personal growth.
Moreover
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, not all students are equally interested in or talented at
technology
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. A diverse curriculum allows
children
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 to explore different fields and discover their passions.
Arts
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 and
music
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 often provide an outlet for students who might struggle with more technical
subjects
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, helping to maintain motivation and engagement in school. In conclusion,
while
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 it is essential for
education
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 to adapt to the demands of the modern world by including
subjects
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 like information
technology
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, eliminating
arts
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 and
music
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 would limit
children
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's development in important ways. A balanced curriculum that includes both technical and creative
subjects
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 is the best way to prepare
children
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 for the future.

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Task Achievement
While your essay is well-structured and covers key points, you could enhance your argument by incorporating more specific examples or studies that support the benefits of arts and music education.
Coherence and Cohesion
Although your ideas are generally well-connected, consider using more varied cohesive devices and linking words to improve the flow of your writing and make connections between points clearer.
Task Achievement
You did an excellent job of presenting both sides of the argument. To further strengthen your essay, you could address potential counterarguments in more detail, showcasing a deeper engagement with the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines your stance and sets the stage for the discussion, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Task Achievement
You effectively convey the importance of both information technology and arts/music, presenting a balanced view that is relevant to the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly encapsulates your main argument, reinforcing the idea of a balanced curriculum, which is a strong aspect of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • employability
  • curriculum
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • digital literacy
  • problem-solving
  • extracurricular activities
  • cultural appreciation
  • financial literacy
  • well-rounded individuals
  • modern economy
  • independent living
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