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Band 3

In many country schools have severe problems with student behaivour. What do you think are the cause of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#country #schools #student #behaivour
Over the
last
 few years,
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
behaivour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
 has become one of the major problems that people should pay attention
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
While
 Nowadays, in the world is developing technology and at school
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
freedom are claimed to be the main reasons behind
this
 issue, there are some effective
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 that can be applied. In
this
 essay, I will discuss major
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 and effective solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
problem
. On the one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 there are a variety of different factors
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
show examples
 led to
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
behaivour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
. The first driving force behind
this
problem
 is
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
behaivour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
.
For instance
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
develop
Change the form of the verb
developing
show examples
 technology
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
too
students
Correct word choice
many students
show examples
 are
mix
Wrong verb form
mixing
show examples
 technology. The particular reason for
circumstance
Correct determiner usage
this circumstance
show examples
 children are not careless. Another important reason for
this
 issue can be
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
behaivour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
.
This
 is because at the moment, many
condition
Change to a plural noun
conditions
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 making
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
 and
pupls
Correct your spelling
pupils
 are expose
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Replace the word
consequences
show examples
consequently
.
On the other hand
, despite the fact that student
behaivour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
 is a serious
problem
, there are some reliable solutions to it. The first viable solution to
this
problem
 is student
behaivour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
.
For example
,
students
are spend
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 time, money and force
while
, they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
research habitually
this
Change preposition
at this
show examples
 age. Another significant way by which
this
problem
 can be tackled is that it is true that the
behaivour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
 of school pupils in some parts of the world has been getting worse in recent years.
To conclude
,
although
students
Fix the agreement mistake
student
show examples
behaivour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
 are
serious
Add an article
a serious
show examples
problem
that is
 creating many negative effects, it can be addressed with the solutions that have been mentioned above.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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task achievement
The essay's main ideas should be clearly articulated and well-supported with specific examples. Try to avoid general statements and ensure the details provided directly relate to the points being made.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that your essay follows a logical structure. Balance each body paragraph so that each one introduces and expands on a single idea. Include appropriate linking phrases to help the reader follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Reviewing basic grammar and expanding vocabulary could improve the clarity and coherence of your essay. Each sentence should connect smoothly to the next. Grammar and punctuation errors also need attention.
coherence cohesion
The essay has both an introduction and a conclusion, which provides a complete essay structure.
task achievement
You correctly identified that student behavior is a problem worth addressing, and you attempted to suggest some reasons and solutions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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