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Band 5

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with each other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #touch #news #events
Every day, a large number of
people
 utilize social
media
 to stay in touch with one another and stay informed about news and events.
This
 writer argues that the benefits of instant information about the world and connecting with other
people
 easily overcome the cons of social platform
addiction
. It is vital to understand that social service is no doubt one of the most crucial parts of our lives.
In other words
, social
media
 has made our lives increasingly convenient by providing us with the ability to connect everything on Earth.
For instance
, social websites allow us to update newspapers constantly, linking us with other
people
 from a faraway distance. Another point worth considering is that using social
media
 can help us contact other
people
 easily. To elaborate,
instead
 of sending letters and faxes, which consume lots of time and paper, using technological devices can immediately send
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
show examples
 to other users.
However
, there are a few
people
 who believe that using social platforms can lead to
addiction
. Many
people
 nowadays are using social services for more than 15 hours a day, which is the most noticeable reason for smartphone
addiction
.
This
 may be true, but limiting the amount of time spent on social networks and exercising could reduce
this
 status significantly. In conclusion, the drawbacks of
addiction
 are outweighed by the positives of connecting
people
 with
people
 from a distance and updating news instantly.
Hence
, social
media
 can be a useful tool in the near future.
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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure you address both sides of the argument fully and provide a balanced view before concluding. While you have presented both advantages and disadvantages, a deeper exploration and comparison of each aspect could enhance your essay's persuasion and depth.
Task Achievement
Enhance your essay by incorporating more specific examples to support your points. While you have mentioned the general benefits of social media, adding real-life examples or statistics could make your arguments more compelling and grounded.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by using linking words and phrases effectively to connect your ideas and paragraphs. While your essay has a reasonable structure, more sophisticated transitions could improve the flow and coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by specific details or examples. Consider revising paragraphs to focus more tightly around a single theme or argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • facilitate
  • geographically separated
  • fostering
  • connectivity
  • instant communication
  • real-time information
  • misinformation
  • rigorous checks and balances
  • fake news
  • addictive nature
  • detract
  • face-to-face interactions
  • mental health
  • awareness of limitations
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