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Band 8

NOWADAYS, MORE AND MORE PEOPLE DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN LATER IN THEIR LIFE. DO THE ADVANTAGES OF THİS TREND OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?

#people #children #life #thi̇s #trend
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There is a trend these days for the married couple to delay the child's birth.
This
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 phenomenon has its own pros and cons.
While
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 there are some advantages of having a settled life before parentage, I believe the drawbacks of financial and health issues are more important to consider before making
such
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 decisions. On the one hand, some folks would like to have a better education and a stable job before opting for kids.It is because of the fact that parenting involves a lot of finances and is a physically challenging job.If a person is struggling to excel in his education or career, he will definitely not want to have children because that would require much of his attention, which he will not be able to provide.
For instance
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, many doctors in my country marry at a later stage after doing specialization, as the residency of postgraduate fellows is quite demanding and it is difficult to manage both married life and training at the same time.
On the other hand
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, there are many drawbacks to delaying parenthood.One of the major downsides is that of the health of the mother and the child.It has been proven in medical research that the increased age of the mother can cause gestational complications
as well as
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 deformities in a baby like Down's syndrome and other congenital malformations.
In addition
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, the older parents having a newborn would pose many financial and physical challenges.
This
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 would mean that, when individuals have retired with no monthly income, the child would still be school-going and dependent on the guardians for tuition fees and other expenses.
Moreover
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, mothers would not be very active at an advanced age to groom their offspring in a better way. In conclusion, there are arguments in favour and against the decision to have children at a later stage.
While
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 it has some benefits with regard to better employment prospects, in my opinion, the detriments of medical problems for the family and the economic hardships in maturity outweigh some of its positive aspects.
Submitted by alishah2294 on

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task achievement
While your introduction clearly states the topic and your stance, it could be improved by presenting an overview of the main points you will discuss. This will provide a clearer roadmap for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use transitions between paragraphs to enhance your essay's coherence. For example, use phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' and 'In addition to' more frequently to clearly link your ideas.
task achievement
To achieve higher scores, consider varying your vocabulary and sentence structures more. Avoid repetition of words and phrases to demonstrate range and flexibility in your writing.
task achievement
Your introduction and conclusion are strong, providing a clear stance and summary of your main arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure that makes it easy for the reader to follow your points and arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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