IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think national news is more important than international news, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #news
A number of individuals argue that national information is more important than global events
while
 some people contradict the statement.
This
 essay will discuss both statements and give my perspective on the issue.
Firstly
, national
news
 is predominant as it gives information on economic and political policies which affect people’s lives.
For example
, when the government tell their citizens about the worst situation owing to a long summer or El Nino, everyone who lives in that country will
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 a decision to stock up on a massive supply of food
such
 as rice and eggs before the price of those daily commodities dramatically increase and become rare.
On the other hand
, global
news
 which presents information that there is a war between two countries which will affect the global supply chain is
also
 a crucial event that the public needs to be well-informed
due to
 the fact that
this
 event will affect the price of a certain commodity.
For instance
, Russia attacked Ukraine and as most tanks and jets require a large amount of oil, the global price for oil derivatives automatically increased.
This
 international
news
 will enlighten the local people to take precautions or actions as the result of a spike in gasoline, an example, the use of private transportation will decrease. In conclusion, in my view, I would like to agree that national
news
 is more important than international because the effects of national policies can occur directly at the same time.
Nevertheless
, sometimes some international
news
 can influence the national condition of a country,
although
 most of them are not that prominent enough for every nation. Some people debate that national events have a significant impact
due to
 their direct association
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 citizen’s daily lives and economic conditions.
However
, others consider the importance of international events in understanding global dynamics and their potential impact on national affairs both direct and indirect.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that you explicitly address each part of the task in your essay. Whilst you discussed both sides of the argument, further clarity on your own opinion throughout the essay would enhance this section.
coherence cohesion
Aim for slightly smoother transitions between ideas to enhance logical flow and coherence. This will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
You included relevant specific examples, such as the impact of the Ukrainian conflict on oil prices, which support your points well.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a strong structure that frames the discussion nicely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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