IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

#demand #oil #gas #areas #world #access #resources
Oil
 and
gas
 have been the most prominent sources of
energy
 for various industries like automobiles, electricity production, etc. In recent times, there has been a significant increase in the global demand for
oil
 and
gas
. The increasing demand but limited supply of
oil
 and
gas
 is popularizing the idea that the undiscovered parts of the world should be explored to get more access to these resources.
Although
 I agree that these undiscovered
areas
 might prove to be a great resource for
oil
 and
gas
, at the same,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can be detrimental to our earth’s natural diversity. These undiscovered
areas
 may be a rich source of
oil
 and
gas
, but until they are explored, their potential will remain ruled out. Middle Eastern countries were once an undiscovered resource of
oil
, but now they are global leaders in
oil
 supply. Researchers and scientists can do their studies and tests to see if these undiscovered
areas
 can be mined for
oil
 and
gas
. In case they are successful, it will help to deal with the ever-increasing global need.
On the contrary
, these activities might affect
mother nature
Correct your spelling
Mother Nature
show examples
 which can be extremely harmful. Exploiting new undiscovered
areas
 can
further
 pollute our environment which in itself is a big problem for the modern world.
For instance
, part of the exploring process will be cutting down trees. As history has taught us, toying with nature can lead to big disasters which we shall avoid at all costs.
To conclude
,
although
 opening up these undiscovered
areas
 may help with the current problem of shortage of
oil
 and
gas
, we should start looking for other renewable
energy
 sources as alternatives like solar
energy
, wind
energy
, and more. It will help us to build a better and sustainable world for our future generations.
Submitted by harmanjot1970 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Be sure to provide stronger and more varied examples that can illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving logical connectors and transitions between paragraphs to make the essay flow even smoother.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Your arguments are clearly presented and generally well-supported.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global demand
  • finite resources
  • energy consumption
  • exploiting
  • untouched ecosystems
  • carbon emissions
  • climate change
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable energy solutions
  • geopolitical consequences
  • territorial disputes
  • dependency
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!