the average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In
this
day and age, people
has
Change the verb form
have
adopting
certain habits to make life easy Wrong verb form
adopted
such
as sedentary
lifestyle which Correct article usage
a sedentary
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
deterimental
effects in the near future. I firmly agree with the argument that some transformations are harmful Correct your spelling
detrimental
for
Change the preposition
to
human's
Change noun form
human
health
.
To commence with, there is no denied
that at present Wrong verb form
denying
people
like to become inactive physically which ultimately effect
individual Verb problem
affects
health
. For example
, there is an increase
number of disease Change the verb form
increasing
rate
in the world as obesity is one Fix the agreement mistake
rates
the
major concern among Change preposition
of the
people
in the
society. Correct article usage
apply
Secondly
, unhealthy food like fast food, carbohydrated
drinks and frozen items has a huge impact on Correct your spelling
carbohydrate
carbohydrates
people
Change noun form
people's
health
as it detrioate
the immunity system and Correct your spelling
deteriorate
deteriorates
deteriorated
people
more prone to some life threatning
illnesses Correct your spelling
life-threatening
such
as cardio vascular
diseases and uncontrolled infections.
Correct your spelling
cardiovascular
On the other hand
, the environment plays a vital role in human health
as
in the contemporary world, changes in the environment Correct word choice
apply
due to
over population
, bottleneck situation on the roads and deforestation Correct your spelling
overpopulation
has
contributed Change the verb form
have
in
air pollution which Change preposition
to
worsen
the air quality and Change the verb form
worsens
people
are under threat of global warming and respiratory diseases and at the future it surged to bad condition. For instance
, due to
cutting the plants and lands Change preposition
apply
allocating
for Wrong verb form
allocated
building
or industries will Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
scarsity
of natural or organic sources of food. Correct your spelling
scarcity
In addition
, globally people
faced
chronic pulmonary disease and asthma Wrong verb form
face
due to
carbon emission
.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
Although
the living style and adaptation of certain things has
jeopardized impact on the community Change the verb form
have
people
Change noun form
people's
health
in the future these issues become worse if these are not addressed properly by the country
Change noun form
country's
people
or the government.Submitted by seharfazal9 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer structure and a more explicit thesis statement. Consider outlining your main points in the introduction to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the task and provides a response to the statement, be sure to elaborate on your points with more detailed examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting sentences that stay on topic. This will help in maintaining coherence throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay raises relevant points regarding sedentary lifestyle and unhealthy eating habits, which are contemporary concerns.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a reasonable structure to the essay.