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Band 1

Some people believe that parents should teach children how to be good members of society while others say it should be taught by school .What is your opinion?

#people #parents #children #members #society #school
Half the people consider that
children
 should know how to be a good member of society from their
parents
when
Correct word choice
while
show examples
 others think it is the school's job. In my opinion both of them
necessary
Add a missing verb
are necessary
show examples
 for
children
's future. Of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
 from
birth
Add a comma
birth,
show examples
 we see our
parents
 and take
an examples
Correct the article-noun agreement
an example
examples
show examples
 from them. So the role of
parents
 in how
children
 grow up is big. That's why it is important that our
parents
 teach us everything. But school
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 a part of society. And
children
 spend half of their days at school listening to teachers.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 every child was taught that they needed to listen to teachers. So getting
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 and examples from them
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 helpful. In
this
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
 we see that all these facts show us that both
parents
 and schools play a big role in ensuring that
children
 grow up to be good persons.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task response
1. Develop a more structured introduction and conclusion. An introduction should clearly outline what the essay will cover, and a conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the opinion. 2. Try to include more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive. 3. Improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs to enhance coherence and cohesion. Transitional phrases and connectors can be helpful.
coherence and cohesion
1. Work on structuring your paragraphs more effectively. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and should logically follow one another. 2. Make sure that each point you make is fully developed with explanations, evidence, or examples. 3. Consider using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt directly and provides a balanced view, recognizing the roles of both parents and schools.
coherence and cohesion
The argument is generally clear and easy to follow. There's a logic to how points are presented, even if they could be better developed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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