IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Write about the following topic: In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #countries #people #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport
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In recent times countries have grown at a rapid rate with public transport and inter-city travel a key component of their growth.
While
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 some argue the importance of public transportation within the cities, others argue the need for fast railway lines between locations. I believe spending money on both is essential for the betterment of the city and the country as a whole. In
this
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 essay, I will be discussing both views and give my conclusion. On one hand, the need for public transport has never been more pronounced in today's metropolitans. Those in favour of public transit often argue the importance of convenience and sustainability
that is
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 provided by buses, subways, rental bikes etc.
For instance
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, getting to and from work has been made much easier with the use of the underground railway, traffic has been reduced majorly, and the cost of people's time and money has been cut greatly. In my experience, over the past three years of living in Beijing the use of the local transit has completely changed the way I travel. Arguably, I have saved more time and money than I could ever imagine than I would
otherwise
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 if I spent that on buying a car and getting stuck in traffic.
Hence
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, spending more on building better local transit has more meaning for some.
On the other hand
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, the people arguing to increase spending on travel between major cities often highlight the mass migration between cosmopolitans.
For instance
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, China with one of the world's largest populations has what is called the largest mass migration of people every year in their holiday season.
Consequently
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,
this
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 has forced the governments to allocate large funds to the making of new and better fast train railways between their capitols.
Therefore
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, it can be argued that allocating more resources to the fast railways is of more importance. In my opinion, striking a balance between both is essential for the ease of the general public. Clearly, focusing more on one is not the solution and it will only hinder the progress of the country as a whole. It is recommended that spending be balanced and equal priority be given to each project.
Submitted by James on

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task achievement
To further improve the essay, aim to provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to explicitly state your opinion. Additionally, elaborate more on your concluding statement to provide a stronger summary of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Enhance paragraph transitions and ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next. The essay could benefit from more nuanced linking words and phrases to clarify the relationship between ideas better.
task achievement
The essay covers both viewpoints comprehensively and provides relevant examples to support the arguments. This demonstrates a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a well-rounded conclusion. This contributes to the essay's overall coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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