IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart provides information about how often people in the USA spent ate fast food from 2003 to 2013.

The bar chart provides information about how often people in the USA spent ate fast food from 2003 to 2013.
#bar #information #people #usa #food
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The diagram provides data on people's frequency of eating at fast food restaurants in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 over the course of 10 years. The stats were divided
in
Change the preposition
into
show examples
 6
groups
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, between 2003 and 2013, the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 had
two
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 of people who ate once a
week
Use synonyms
, and once or twice a month. Meanwhile, those who preferred to visit several
times
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
, and a few
times
Use synonyms
 a year were lower by about 12%
Linking Words
Change preposition
than then
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 previous
two
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
. The
last
Linking Words
two
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 who went either every day or never scored the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, an increasing trend formed in 2003, 2006,
2013
Correct word choice
and 2013
show examples
 among those who went once a
week
Use synonyms
, or once or twice a month. In 2006, it reached nearly 33% of customers who visited once a
week
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 in 2013
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, the highest point was reached in 2013, who visited the fast food restaurant
sverak
Correct your spelling
several
times
Use synonyms
 a month.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
two
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 who
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 there several
times
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
 and a few
times
Use synonyms
 a year,
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 relatively low by approximately 12%,
while
Linking Words
 being at roughly
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same level
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 each other.
Same
Change the article
The same
show examples
 pattern can be seen with those who visited every day or never,
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 have the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 roughly 5
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 and not higher.
Submitted by katenok200312 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words groups, percentage, two, week, times with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "provides" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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