IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

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We should pay
admission
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 to entrance some
museums
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,
while
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 other
museums
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 are cheap. I believe the main benefits are more substantial.
To begin
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 with, since
museums
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 offer a variety of educational
programs
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, workshops, tours, and resources for visitors of all ages,
admission
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 fees help fund these
programs
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 and make it possible for
museums
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 to provide educational opportunities that enhance public understanding and appreciation of art, history, and science.
For example
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, the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City offers a wide range of educational
programs
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 for school groups, families, adults, and seniors annually. Another perceived benefit is that paid
admission
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 to entrance
museums
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 contributes to the long-term sustainability of
museums
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, enabling them to plan for the future, expand their collections, and invest in new technologies and infrastructure improvements.
On the other hand
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, there are some drawbacks to paid
admission
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 to entrance
museums
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.
Firstly
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, free
admission
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 can attract more tourists and boost the local economy. To elaborate, increased foot traffic can lead to higher spending in museum cafes, gift shops, and surrounding businesses.
In addition
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, free
admission
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 can lead to higher visitor numbers, enabling more people to enjoy and learn from the museum's collections.
Thus
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,
this
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 can lead to greater community engagement and a more culturally enriched populace. On balance,
while
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 some argue that
museums
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 should be free to ensure universal access to culture and education, the reality is that funding from
admission
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 fees is crucial for maintaining the quality and breadth of what
museums
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 can offer.
However
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, in my view, it has positive effects in terms of educational
programs
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 and sustainability, and growth
override
Change the verb form
overrides
show examples
 the disadvantages.

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task achievement
Improve the clarity of the introduction. Specify the advantages and disadvantages you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clear and concise conclusion that summarizes the main points made in the essay and reiterates your opinion.
task achievement
Elaborate slightly more on examples to increase specificity and relevance. For instance, provide more specific data or details about the educational programs at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of charging admission fees for museums.
clarity
The points made are generally clear and well-organized, which makes the essay easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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