IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. discuss both these views and give yourown opinion.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country #yourown
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It is thought by some people that several professional jobs
such
 as
doctors
 or engineers should
work
 and stay in their motherland
while
 others believe they have the freedom to decide which
countries
 they want to
work
 in. In
this
 essay, both viewpoints will be outlined before reaching my conclusion. On the one hand, it is undeniable that there are many
countries
 in the world that encounter a lack of professional workers because these individuals move out to other
countries
.
For instance
, the number of
doctors
 in Thailand now declines to less than in the past by more than five times because many
doctors
 have made a decision to perform in America, Australia, etc.
As a result
,
doctors
 in Thailand will be insufficient when it comes to an emergency time
such
 as COVID-19, which means, patients to wait and suffer longer or some families might get a piece of sad news.
On the other hand
, there are numerous benefits when these professionals
work
 in other
countries
 as they can utilise their knowledge and skills, bringing fame to their homeland.
For example
, a Thai engineer who serves in a company in the USA has a chance to lead the American team and successfully construct a new record high-rise building which in turn gives the company trustworthiness and reliability among Thai people.
Furthermore
,
This
 directly affects an increase in the hiring rate of Thai people and other professional individuals who looking to
work
 in
this
 American organisation in the future.
Overall
, allowing professionals to perform outside their
countries
 can bring both advantages and disadvantages.
However
, in my opinion, it is the freedom and liberty of their citizens to decide where they want to
work
,
besides
, stopping them from going outside might lead to some new serious matters in the future.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
You have provided a clear and thorough response to the task, addressing both viewpoints effectively. However, your conclusion could be a bit more detailed and stronger to leave a lasting impression.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Try to make the introduction and conclusion a bit more engaging to enhance the overall flow.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported with relevant examples. Ensure that every example is directly tied to the point you are making for maximum impact.
task achievement
You've successfully addressed both viewpoints and provided a balanced discussion, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear logical structure which makes it easy to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You've used relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory service
  • skill shortages
  • societal welfare
  • exchange of knowledge
  • global advancements
  • diverse experiences
  • career development prospects
  • personal satisfaction
  • feeling trapped
  • productivity
  • innovation
What to do next:
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