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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

in many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. some people say that an aging population creates problems for government. other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. does advantage outweigh disadvantage

#countries #people #population #government #society #advantage
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In the majority of nations, life expectations are now witnessing an upward trend. The writer advocates that despite the benefits of valuable advice from the older
generation
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, the drawbacks of financial burden on the
healthcare
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system
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 and the lack of employees outweigh the positive side. It is crucial to understand that the older people are, the more economic burden that government must deal with.
This
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 is because the government has to subsidize citizens with their
healthcare
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system
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 with the purpose of enhancing the health condition of the old
generation
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.
However
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, elder people are not able to contribute to the economic sector and the national budget has restrictions, resulting in an overload for the
healthcare
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system
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 and requiring more funds for health equipment.
This
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 point leads the government to cope with numerous challenges to allocate grants. Another disadvantage that must be considered is the absence of
labor
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labour
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 workers for manufacturing. Indeed, the companies necessitate the strength of the young
generation
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 for their production process,
while
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 the elderly cannot meet these demands.
As a result
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, the
aging
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ageing
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 population might detrimentally affect on financial sector of a particular country,
in contrast
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, the youth is a contributory facet to a thriving economy.
However
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,
skeptics
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sceptics
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 contend that the experiences of the old
generation
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 may
also
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 bring benefits for youngsters. To explain, the elderly experience different aspects of life to gain various pieces of knowledge which lays the foundation for the next
generation
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 in order to help them avoid the same mistakes.
This
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 point may be valid, but after the elder individuals have retired,
this
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 knowledge might predispose a sense of stagnation because of the rapid progress of technology.
Therefore
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, the knowledge from previous generations is outdated and cannot be implemented in the contemporary world. In conclusion, the advantage of significant advice is outweighed by the burden on the
healthcare
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system
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 and not enough employees for production.
Hence
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, there will be many drawbacks on the condition that people live longer than ever before.
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task achievement
While your essay addresses the prompt effectively, it can be further strengthened by including more specific examples to support your points. Try to use data, studies, or concrete examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates clear and comprehensive ideas, however, make sure your paragraphs transition smoothly from one idea to another to enhance the logical flow even more.
introduction conclusion present
You have a well-structured introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points effectively.
complete response
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages, showing a thorough understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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