IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.

#person #status #possessions #values #honour #kindness #trust
People valuing process by social hierarchy and individual affluent in recent times become more suitable, by which old attribution, including individual prestige and benevolent
act
Fix the agreement mistake
acts
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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become more irrelevant. I do agree that social flag and
wealthiness
Replace the word
wealth
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more imperative than individuals-old-fashioned judgement,
such
 as
honor
Change the spelling
honour
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 and generosity, but the old one can not be abolished. Regarding a new stream of person worth assessment, it has much influence by capitalism thriving in which it can transform public scrutiny to be more economical-oriented.
Moreover
,
this
 orientation is
drove
Wrong verb form
driven
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 by an
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 view, including how much people's saving and or how high their social communities
.
Add a missing verb
are.
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 To illustrate, now, to recruit new acquaintances, several points have to be provided and satisfied,
such
 as bank balances and the communities in which they are engaged.
This
 act is done
by
Change preposition
with
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 the
motives
Fix the agreement mistake
motive
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 to gain economic benefit as much
and
Correct word choice
apply
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possible as. As
Correct article usage
a consequences
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consequences
Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
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, the shift of the orientation will disrupt the old one. In the past,
Correct article usage
a person
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person
Change noun form
person's
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 prestige
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 valued by some individual's ability
by
Change preposition
apply
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which it is generated
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
honor
Change the spelling
honour
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 or generosity.
For example
, people from
prosper
Replace the word
prosperous
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family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 will
more
Add a missing verb
be more
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 well-educated, and
collaborating
Wrong verb form
collaborate
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 with their good circumstances resulting in a good manner. But, in
this
 era,
this
 acumen has
neglected
Add a missing verb
been neglected
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. Albeit become irrelevant in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of
personal
Correct article usage
the personal
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 value judging process,
this
 past stream
is still become
Change to the active voice
still becomes
has still become
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preeminent
Correct article usage
a preeminent
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things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
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 to ensure social well-being. Person judging processes
is
Verb problem
have
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 witnessed a new transformation process to become more materialistic and disrupt the old way. Yet, the latter is still needed to control the society as well. I hope that the changes will lead to a new social civilization.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph contribute to that idea for better logical structure and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Make your introduction and conclusion more distinct and clear to frame your essay effectively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, which will enhance the relevance and clearness of your ideas.
task achievement
Work on sentence structure and grammar for clearer expression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to improve the flow of your writing from one point to the next.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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