In some countries, the number of shootings increase becausee many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #shootings #becausee #people #guns #home

There are countries around the world where we have seen an increased number of shootings than before, and many think that the primary reason behind

this

is that many

people

these days keep weapons like guns and pistols at home;

however

, I disagree with

this

statement because there are other reasons for

this

scenario as well which I shall discuss in my essay. The first and foremost reason for my disagreement is that;

however

, it is an inevitable

fact

that many individuals have guns at home, but

this

is not the only reason for increased shootings. Media, television, illegal use of weapons and drugs which

people

watch in movies, and video games, all these factors influence a person in a negative way and

also

make them aggressive in their behaviour, which later excites them for wicked activities like shooting and in

fact

murder.

Moreover

, many children and adults play video games these days which have violent actions like shooting, stabbing, and killing, which leads to aggression in them, and

this

behaviour makes them stubborn,

for example

, Pubgee, Angry

birds

Capitalize word

Birds

show examples

, and so on.

In addition

to that, peer pressure and family circumstances could contribute to activities like shooting. Teenagers and youngsters when swayed by their fellow mates,

then

could result in unethical behaviour, so young

people

indulge in shooting and in

fact

in other crimes as well.

Besides

this

, negative family situations where

people

suffer from depression-like symptoms can result in

shooting

Fix the agreement mistake

shootings

show examples

. In conclusion, increased shootings across different countries are not only

due to

the

fact

that

people

nowadays keep more guns at home, but other factors like negative influence from media, movies, and computerised games,

also

peer pressure and family situations can contribute well to shooting.

Submitted by harleenarora620 on Sat May 18 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, with clear main points and relevant arguments. However, to achieve a higher score, ensure that each point is fully elaborated with more developed supporting details and specific examples.

coherence cohesion

Organize your essay better by ensuring that each paragraph contains a single main idea with clear transitions between ideas. This will help improve the overall coherence and make your arguments easier to follow.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your essay, making your position clear from the beginning.

supported main points

The essay covers different perspectives on the topic, which shows a balanced approach to discussing the issue at hand.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

286 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

7.5

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

shootings
guns
increase
home
accidental
domestic violence
easy access
impulsive
violence
gun control laws
gun violence
ownership
regulated
misuse
public safety

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In some countries, the number of shootings increase becausee many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Modern lifestyles are completely different from the way people lived in the past. Some people think the changes have been very positive, while others believe they have been negative. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.

Many students around the world don’t choose science subjects at university. Give the reasons for this and describe the impact on the community?

You have just come back from a long bus trip. You were unhappy with the service. Write a letter of complaint to the bus company stating your reason for writing the letter describing why you are unhappy making suggestions for improvement.

Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view.

There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some think the best way is to use death penalty as a deterrent, many believe that other measures will be needed. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.