Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is believed that residents should have opportunities to pursue higher tertiary regardless of their economic status through the authority's subsidy through paying institution fees.
This
writer would partly agree with this
statement due to
some reasons below.
There are numerous underlying motivations to conclude
that the former perspective is advantageous to a certain extent.The main shortcoming is that postgraduates would stand a greater chance of landing a decent occupation.For example
, a lot of major companies such
as Google require employees to possess a bachelor’s degree as proof of their ability to handle the assignments,and this
could be more beneficial to job-seekers who graduated from university compared to their reverse counterparts.Moreover
,it is clear that
adults who choose to study further
could immensely thriving economy and civilized society.The fact that citizens could invent modern advancements that were likely to develop the economy from the previous knowledge that they had acquired from higher institutions, would be a contribution to social development.
However
,there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that universities should not be free for everyone.Firstly
, learners could suffer from the loss of motivation in studying.It could be observed that ,
many Vietnamese students put effort into learning at school because of the reach of scholarships to better universities,so they would neglect if they realised that all individuals can enrol in higher tertiary education easily.Remove the comma
apply
In addition
,this
decision could also
affect the authorities’ coffers.In further
explanation,instead
of spending an enormous amount of budget to enhance infrastructures and develop modern amenities,they have to cut down on some expenses to pay for the university.As a result
,this
could lead to a decrease in quality of life to a certain extent.
In conclusion,I would contend that universities and colleges should charge fees for students who choose to attend further
education because of several main reasons above.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task and includes some relevant ideas and examples. However, some points need further clarity and development to be more convincing. For instance, explain more thoroughly how free university education could potentially demotivate students, including supporting evidence.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas, but some sentences and phrases are compacted together which affects the readability. Use better spacing and more transition words to ease the flow between ideas. For example, transition clearly between discussing the economic benefits of free education and potential downsides on motivation.
task achievement
Support your main points with more detailed explanations or examples. While you have good ideas, they need more development. For instance, instead of just mentioning that large companies like Google require a degree, elaborate on how this affects job prospects for graduates versus non-graduates.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph introduces a clear topic and maintains it throughout. Some sentences, especially in longer paragraphs, stray from the main point, which can make it harder for the reader to follow. Stick closely to one main idea per paragraph to help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction provides a clear understanding of your stance, which is a good starting point.
task achievement
Your essay includes specific examples, such as referencing companies like Google.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your points and reiterates your position, adding to the clarity of your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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