Some people believe that children should always have activities organized for them in their free time. Others believe that children themselves should choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.
Whether
parents
should allow children
to arrange their free time
has been controversial, especially in an age full of competition. From my perspective, despite some potential adverse impacts, arranging time
freely helps children
to fully develop their characters.
This
might sound like a cliche but it is indeed essential for children
. For illustration, Mo Yan, a Nobel Prize winner, once recalled his childhood with gratitude that his mother was ordinary but open-minded, seldom intervening with his writing, which at the time
, was merely childish limericks. Mo Yan believed that if his mother had forced him to do something "meaningful" instead
, he would never develop his genius in composition. This
example suggests that like seeds, children
need time
and freedom
to grow into their true selves, which precisely comes from their freedom
during childhood to do what they are interested in.
The plausible conclusion drawn from the example seems to be the appeal of giving children
more freedom
after school. I, however
, do not want to be so arbitrary. Actually, I can totally understand, at least I think I can, the concern underlying the overemphasis on organized activities. It is the apprehension that their children
will be left behind if they do not spend enough time
on academic or physical training that continually induces parents
to deprive children
of free time
. This
kind of concern has escalated to the point where one of my acquaintances even started teaching his three-year-old son to learn English. While
this
kind of worry is understandable, it is unnecessary, as children
will naturally mature at their own pace, and therefore
perhaps we ought to give their freedom
back.
To summarise, children
can fully develop their characters if parents
grant them enough freedom
in how to spend their free time
. Parents
should not be so concerned with competition that they end up depriving children
of the choice to be themselves.Submitted by hx88375757 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from slightly stronger transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas further. Although the current transitions are clear, making them more explicit could improve overall coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Although your essay provides a well-rounded discussion, including a few more specific examples or studies could strengthen your arguments even further. Also, consider addressing potential counter-arguments in more depth to show a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses both views and provides a well-reasoned personal opinion, fulfilling the task requirements comprehensively.
task achievement
The use of a specific example of Mo Yan adds depth to your argument and helps to illustrate your point effectively.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite