IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows how UK unemployed spent their time last year?

The table below shows how UK unemployed spent their time last year?
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The table below illustrates, the morning and afternoon routine for men and
women
Use synonyms
. How did they spend their
time
Use synonyms
 during
this
Linking Words
 duration in the previous year? The units were measured in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, a great number of
women
Use synonyms
 did house chores in the dawn
whereas
Linking Words
, mostly men did job hunting at that
time
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 in the afternoon, the ratio of males increased for watching TV
in contrast
Linking Words
 to
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the proportion of
women
Use synonyms
 remain higher who did domestic
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 in the evening.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in the morning routine, about 49% of the
women
Use synonyms
 spend their
time
Use synonyms
 performing homework
in contrast
Linking Words
 to other activities. About 26% went on shopping and about 1% spent their
time
Use synonyms
 drinking. In the case of males, about 22% spent their
time
Use synonyms
 in search of a job 20% went shopping and about 2% drank that
time
Use synonyms
. On the flip side, during the afternoon, the ratio of
women
Use synonyms
 remained high who did their house duties but, regarding men about 14% spent their
time
Use synonyms
 entertaining their selves
while
Linking Words
 watching TV.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the activity that lies on the second rank was gardening in the previous year they spent
time
Use synonyms
 growing flowers and maintaining their gardens.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 show a lack of interest in staying in bed and playing games the percentage was zero
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 6 times.
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