Investment in local amenities such as leisure centres is the best way for the government to foster a good comuninty spirit. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

These days,
people
are talking about activity, some
people
say the
government
should
devolopment
Correct your spelling
development
event place. Other
people
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
way
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
thinking they say the
government
is not responsible for
Correct article usage
the devolopment
show examples
devolopment
Correct your spelling
development
local
Change preposition
of local
show examples
amenities
. Personally, I believe
Correct article usage
the devolopment
show examples
devolopment
Correct your spelling
development
 
local
Change preposition
of local
show examples
amenities
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
more positives than negatives, in
this
essay I will give my reasons. 
Firstly
, one of the biggest advantages is that developing events place has benefits
in addition
has increasing the economy. The
government
cares about community spirit.
For example
, in my
country
we have a lot of local
amenities
and different activities if you like football there are different
places
to play football or watch football.
This
means each other have hobbies some
people
like video gems other
people
love shopping. 
Secondly
, one of the biggest negatives is that some
people
cannot keep local
amenities
save some
people
break or distort public property. To illustrate, in my
country
, we have many different wonderful
places
, but some
people
distort those
places
.
This
means we are responsible for saving all our
places
in my
country
I wonder we some
people
distort wonderful
places
it is wrong.  In conclusion, I agree with
people
who say the
government
Add a missing verb
is
show examples
responsible for development.
In addition
in my opinion must the
government
create a great atmosphere for
people
.
However
, we should help each other to keep all our
places
.
Secondly
, one of the biggest negatives is that some
people
cannot keep local
amenities
save some
people
break or distort public property. To illustrate, in my
country
, we have many different wonderful
places
, but some
people
distort those
places
.
This
means we are responsible for saving all our
places
in my
country
I wonder we some
people
distort wonderful
places
it is wrong.
Submitted by yosf1010 on

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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the overall logical structure of the essay. For instance, ensure each paragraph has a clear central argument and supporting details. Use better transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve flow.
task achievement
Address grammatical errors and improve sentence construction to make ideas clearer. Revise the essay to avoid repetitive sentences and redundancy (e.g., repeating the same points in different parts of the essay).
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mentioning specific activities or amenities that boost the economy or aid community spirit can be beneficial. The current examples are a bit generic and could be more impactful with more details.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic, and you have wisely mentioned both sides of the argument which shows balance.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, and you have made a decent effort to summarize your stance.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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