Investment in local amenities such as leisure centres is the best way for the government to foster a good comuninty spirit. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
These days, responsible for development.
people
are talking about activity, some people
say the government
should devolopment
event place. Other Correct your spelling
development
people
they
have Correct pronoun usage
apply
different
way Add an article
a different
to
thinking they say the Change preposition
of
government
is not responsible for Correct article usage
the devolopment
devolopment
Correct your spelling
development
local
Change preposition
of local
amenities
. Personally, I believe Correct article usage
the devolopment
devolopment
Correct your spelling
development
local
Change preposition
of local
amenities
have
more positives than negatives, in Correct subject-verb agreement
has
this
essay I will give my reasons.
Firstly
, one of the biggest advantages is that developing events place has benefits in addition
has increasing the economy. The government
cares about community spirit. For example
, in my country
we have a lot of local amenities
and different activities if you like football there are different places
to play football or watch football. This
means each other have hobbies some people
like video gems other people
love shopping.
Secondly
, one of the biggest negatives is that some people
cannot keep local amenities
save some people
break or distort public property. To illustrate, in my country
, we have many different wonderful places
, but some people
distort those places
. This
means we are responsible for saving all our places
in my country
I wonder we some people
distort wonderful places
it is wrong.
In conclusion, I agree with people
who say the government
Add a missing verb
is
In addition
in my opinion must the government
create a great atmosphere for people
. However
, we should help each other to keep all our places
. Secondly
, one of the biggest negatives is that some people
cannot keep local amenities
save some people
break or distort public property. To illustrate, in my country
, we have many different wonderful places
, but some people
distort those places
. This
means we are responsible for saving all our places
in my country
I wonder we some people
distort wonderful places
it is wrong.Submitted by yosf1010 on
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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the overall logical structure of the essay. For instance, ensure each paragraph has a clear central argument and supporting details. Use better transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve flow.
task achievement
Address grammatical errors and improve sentence construction to make ideas clearer. Revise the essay to avoid repetitive sentences and redundancy (e.g., repeating the same points in different parts of the essay).
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mentioning specific activities or amenities that boost the economy or aid community spirit can be beneficial. The current examples are a bit generic and could be more impactful with more details.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic, and you have wisely mentioned both sides of the argument which shows balance.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, and you have made a decent effort to summarize your stance.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite