IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Investment in local amenities such as leisure centres is the best way for the government to foster a good comuninty spirit. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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These days,
people
Use synonyms
 are talking about activity, some
people
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 say the
government
Use synonyms
 should
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development
Replace the word
develop
show examples
 event place. Other
people
Use synonyms
 have a different way of thinking they say the
government
Use synonyms
 is not responsible for
Use synonyms
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of local
amenities
Use synonyms
. Personally, I believe
Use synonyms
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
  of local
amenities
Use synonyms
 has more positives than negatives, in
this
Linking Words
 essay I will give my reasons. 
Firstly
Linking Words
, one of the biggest advantages is that developing events place has benefits
in addition
Linking Words
 has increasing the economy. The
government
Use synonyms
 cares about community spirit.
For example
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, in my
country
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 we have a lot of local
amenities
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 and different activities if you like football there are different
places
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 to play football or watch football.
This
Linking Words
 means each other have hobbies some
people
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 like video gems other
people
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 love shopping. 
Secondly
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, one of the biggest negatives is that some
people
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 cannot keep local
amenities
Use synonyms
 save some
people
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 break or distort public property. To illustrate, in my
country
Use synonyms
, we have many different wonderful
places
Use synonyms
, but some
people
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 distort those
places
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 means we are responsible for saving all our
places
Use synonyms
 in my
country
Use synonyms
 I wonder we some
people
Use synonyms
 distort wonderful
places
Use synonyms
 it is wrong.  In conclusion, I agree with
people
Use synonyms
 who say the
government
Use synonyms
 is responsible for
development
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
 in my opinion must the
government
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 create a great atmosphere for
people
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.
However
Linking Words
, we should help each other to keep all our
places
Use synonyms
.
also
Linking Words
 one of the biggest negatives is that some
people
Use synonyms
 cannot keep local
amenities
Use synonyms
 save some
people
Use synonyms
 break or distort public property. To illustrate, in my
country
Use synonyms
, we have many different wonderful
places
Use synonyms
, but some
people
Use synonyms
 distort those
places
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 means we are responsible for saving all our
places
Use synonyms
 in my
country
Use synonyms
 I wonder we some
people
Use synonyms
 distort wonderful
places
Use synonyms
 it is wrong.

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task achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly stating your position on whether you agree or disagree with the statement. Also, ensure that you do not repeat the same point in the conclusion that has been discussed in the essay body.
task achievement
Use more varied and accurate vocabulary to articulate your points. Examples are helpful, but they must be more specific and clearly connected to the argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs by using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will help to make your essay more coherent and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Avoid redundancy and repetitive statements. Instead, ensure that each paragraph introduces a new idea or point that supports your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your conclusion not only restates your opinion but also summarizes the main points discussed in the essay. This will give a better structure to your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific real-life examples to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing and relatable.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and clearly attempts to cover both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The attempt to use transition words like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' is good as it shows an understanding of structure.
task achievement
You successfully identify potential negatives such as vandalism, showcasing an understanding of the issues at hand.
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