Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Certain
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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argue that because of the heavy
competition
in the
children
’s educational institutions a negative impact is developing on the
students
.
Whereas
others believe that
this
helps to achieve them better in life . In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
competition
among
children
is better for them
,
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apply
show examples
because it increases their potential for studies .
This
essay will discuss both the views
Firstly
, the curriculum itself is tough nowadays for the
students
to cope
.
Change preposition
with.
show examples
Moreover
, extra pressure from different areas of
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
, to put in another way , from different teachers , peers ,
sports
Add an article
the sports
show examples
section and cultural sections.
As a result
, the student will be
over burdened
Correct your spelling
overburdened
show examples
attending to all their needs . Because the
schools'
Change noun form
schools
show examples
need to maintain their reputation
overall
. If the pupil is not capable enough to deal with these pressures , it can affect their studies and
eventually
Add a comma
eventually,
show examples
the mental strain leads to
phycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
show examples
issues .
For instance
,
according to
scientific
literatures
Change the wording
literature
kinds of literature
pieces of literature
works of literature
show examples
, stress disorders are common among
school
Correct your spelling
schoolchildren
show examples
children
in the present generation .
On the other hand
, a competitive spirit among
children
can help to develop their capabilities .
For example
,an
otherwise
average student could perform better if he or she is exposed to healthy levels of
competition
. Because
this
develops an urge in the child’s mind to express his ego by performing better .
Such
as
,
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apply
show examples
better performances in sports and cultural events by
otherwise
average
students
In my opinion ,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
competition
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
always improves the child’s ego to perform better in all aspects , a good example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
the numerous coaching institutions for higher level exams in various parts of India and other nations , which yield promising results by encouraging
students
to study with competitive
sprit
Correct your spelling
spirit
show examples
To conclude
, though some support and others oppose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
in school ,
this
essay argues that healthy
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
beneficial for
children
. Because it helps them to perform better
Submitted by drcamt on

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task achievement
The essay addresses both views but does not fully develop or explain them. Focus on providing more detailed and comprehensive arguments for each point of view.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph is well-structured with clear topic sentences and logical progression of ideas. Use linking phrases to enhance coherence and cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Avoid repeating information and ensure examples are directly relevant and sufficiently developed. For example, elaborate more on how competition improves students' performance in specific situations.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence variety to make the writing more engaging. Proofread to catch minor grammatical and punctuation errors.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly states the writer's opinion and summarizes it effectively in the conclusion.
task achievement
There is a clear effort to address both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the prompt.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • undue stress
  • academic achievement
  • critical thinking
  • interpersonal skills
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • social isolation
  • bullying
  • reduced collaboration
  • motivation
  • achieve their goals
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • innovation
  • improvement
  • outperform
  • higher standards
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