Many people work long hour, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Nowadays, the majority of
employees
work
in the long run, in order to they cannot allocate
time
for leisure activities. I believe there are far more disadvantages of long-term working than its advantages, which will be analyzed in
this
essay. On the one hand, it is true that more spending
time
on
work
can be considered merits in some aspects. The most remarkable is that the more
employees
work
in the long run, the more they land experience. To be more specific, people who complete a lot of projects and
work
overtime to get the jobs done significantly raise the rate of career.
For example
, it is observed that a wide range of individuals
work
at least 15 hours a day to become professional workers in many better companies.
Hence
,
employees
earn likely a high salary, and they may be in a better position.
On the other hand
, working until night is considered far more drawbacks as it undoubtedly provides a wide range of benefits to countless workers. Needless to say, those people cannot control to balance between their
work
and private life.
For instance
, individuals do have not
time
to have dinner with family members or do entertainment activities
due to
spending a great deal of their
time
in their jobs.
In addition
to
this
,
this
situation brings about physiological problems.
As a result
, working overtime restricts the social life of
employees
, making them feel isolated. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that working overtime has brought far more disadvantages rather than advantages, and it seems that everyone should properly manage their amount of
time
.
Submitted by quluzadenurlan107 on

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task achievement
While you have adequately addressed the task, your arguments could be more detailed and comprehensive. Try to include more specific examples and elaborate on your points more fully to enhance the essay's depth.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is generally clear, but transitions between sentences and paragraphs can be improved for smoother flow. Ensure each paragraph logically leads to the next, and use linking words more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a good framework. However, ensure your introduction previews the main points, and your conclusion summarizes them succinctly without introducing new information.
task achievement
While you have supported your main points, ensure that they are consistently relevant and specific to the topic. A more balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages would strengthen the argument.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task, addressing both advantages and disadvantages, which is crucial for a high score.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly stated, providing a good structure for the essay.
task achievement
You have used some relevant examples, which help illustrate your points effectively.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • chronic stress
  • financial stability
  • career progression
  • burnout
  • reduced productivity
  • personal development
  • leisure activities
  • work performance
  • career-oriented
  • job satisfaction
  • hobbies
  • fulfilling life
  • immersion
  • hone professional skills
  • fatigue
  • creativity
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