IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People are having more and more sugar drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less?

Nowadays,
drinks
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 which contain sugar are popular among
people
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. The main reason that causes
this
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 matter is a lack of knowledge about sugar and its effect on our body and mind. The reasonable solution is holding events, seminars, and broadcasting informational programs on national television and radio about the danger of consuming a lot of sugary
drinks
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.
To begin
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 with, the first problem is that most
people
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 do not have enough information about these
drinks
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. They do not know what the ingredients of that juice are, and they
also
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 have no clue about the side effects of these materials inside the drink. Most of the
drinks
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 have a list of ingredients on their package, but most folks do not understand the difference between saturated and unsaturated fat. So, it is not beneficial for them and does not prohibit them from drinking them.
In addition
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, our moment-based culture implies that we should enjoy the moment and not consider the future.
Although
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this
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 is a way to reduce stress on have a good time right now, we will pay the cost with our well-being in future.
For example
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, if someone
drinks
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 Coca-Cola every day, they will have heart issues and high blood pressure in their mid-fifties. There are a lot of things that we and the government can do to change
this
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 trend. First of all, explain clearly the side effects of these kinds of
drinks
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.
This
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 explanation can contain teaching about different materials in these
drinks
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, the effect of these materials, and showing vivid examples of two different
people
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, one who takes care of his daily diet and one who
drinks
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 everything.
For example
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, recently on national TV, they always talk effects of soda and other similar
drinks
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 and warn
people
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 about the disadvantages of having them for a long time.
Moreover
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, workload is the main reason for daily stress.
Therefore
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, the best solution is to hold a work-life balance in our lifestyle. If we could hold
this
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 balance, we would have enough energy to work without the need to drink sugar-based
drinks
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.
To conclude
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, too much work on our hands and a lack of awareness are the main reasons for the increasing consumption of sugar-based
drinks
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.
Then
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, the solution is to increase the level of education and achieve a work-life balance.

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task
Task response should have a clear view. State your main idea in one line at the start and use it to guide the rest of the essay. Give strong reasons and easy, real steps to cut sugar drink use.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words. Use topic sentences for each paragraph and small words to show how ideas connect.
lexical
Use a wider set of simple words. Do not repeat 'drink' or 'sugar' many times. Choose clear phrases for cause and effect.
grammar
Fix grammar problems. Watch subject-verb form, plural with s, and proper article use. Try short, clear sentences.
task strength
The essay shows the idea of why sugar drinks rise and how to cut them.
content strength
It uses an example such as Coca-Cola and the idea of TV programs to show points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • aggressive marketing
  • health risks
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • dental problems
  • quick energy boosts
  • stress relief
  • imposition
  • affordability
  • healthier alternatives
  • public health campaigns
  • consumer habits
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