IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the goverments of richer nations should take more responsiblity for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

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Enhancement of education,
health
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 and trade in the region is crucial for their development and worldwide image. These sectors determine the progress of
countries
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. Preference of
countries
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, regions and continents depends on good relationships between their subcategories. Based on
this
Linking Words
 idea, I totally agree that affluent community should share their experiences with other society.
Firstly
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, a
health
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 issue is considered global. We know that the world experienced
such
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 a global pandemic as Covid 19, first days seemed like a simple problem for local
people
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.
However
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, it became a horrible
health
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 issue for all
nations
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. Depending on
this
Linking Words
 thesis, wealthy
nations
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 should give a hand to other
people
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 to solve
health
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 problems. Rich
countries
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 should support poorer lands in these areas, involving volunteers and contributing financial assistance.
Secondly
Linking Words
, education is the main key to the improvement of
nations
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 in all aspects. It is essential that communities should assist poorer
nations
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 in
this
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 sector. Rich societies have to sponsor poverty-stricken ones, build schools, and colleges and support them with financial resources and teachers.
Lastly
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, Wealthy regions should help poorer lands discover their resources and potential for trade. Estimate the capacity of local
people
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 and involve them in these achievements. Other
countries
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 can support these
people
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importing
Change preposition
by importing
show examples
 their lands and exporting products. In conclusion, prosperous states should assist weak
countries
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 in all aspects, not only for those regions
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 for the world. International communities have to take care of weak
countries
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, make the population involved in education, and teach them about other country's experiences.

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Task Achievement
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction to directly reflect your opinion. Consider using more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance the sophistication of your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph clearly focuses on one main idea, and use more linking words to connect your ideas logically. This will help to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Include specific examples or statistics to support your points, especially in the areas of health, education, and trade, which would provide stronger evidence for your claims.
Content
Your essay covers the main points of health, education, and trade, which are relevant to the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have provided a clear conclusion that summarizes your stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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