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Band 5.5

In some coutries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them

#coutries #weight #people #levels #health #fitness #measures
Nowadays in many countries around the globe
people
 are affected by gaining more weight
due to
 bad happens of eating
as well as
 having issues with
health
 fitness
that is
 declining. In my opinion, the main cause for
such
 a problem is that
people
 no longer coke
food
 at home,
instead
 they pay for it from the restaurant or even they go out to eat and enjoy their time,
while
this
 should not affect or cause
health
 issue, but restaurant used to add an ingredient that gives a good
flavor
Change the spelling
flavour
show examples
 but it
also
 causes
this
 issue as an example, not using good quality oil
food
 and more salty
food
.
Secondly
 and
also
 a main reason that has a huge impact on our
health
, is the style of our life,
people
 now use cars and other transportation
instead
 of walking as our ancestors did all their day, so we like not doing lots of activity and become lazier and love to just relax and eat and watch TV or using iPhone to enjoy the social media. So to solve and increase
health
 strength our government should play a main role and do a list of steps,
such
 as doing lots of advertisements about the importance of doing exercise and building public sports
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 as some
people
 can't afford to pay for it each month.
also
, the
health
 organization should provide training on what is a good
food
 to eat and what is to eat less or even abundant.
This
 lifestyle
people
 now live has some downsides as a decline in the
health
 of the body and more
people
 have issues with weight, we discussed how to solve
such
 issues and what steps can take in order to solve
this
 issue we facing these days.
Submitted by suliman.kariri on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a general response to the task. To improve your score, ensure that each main idea is developed with specific, relevant examples and supporting details. This will make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Carefully proofread your work for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Doing so will improve clarity and readability.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant details. Your current organization has some points that are not clearly connected.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs by using appropriate linking words and phrases. This will help the reader to follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt by identifying the causes of increasing weight and decreasing fitness levels, and discussing some potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
You provide a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • fast food consumption
  • unhealthy food options
  • public awareness
  • balanced diet
  • regular exercise
  • urban planning
  • recreational facilities
  • health and fitness
  • weight gain
  • electronic devices
  • healthy lifestyle
  • gym memberships
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